Completely incoherent ramblings about shoes, food and being in love.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Birthday Lunch

Because tomorrow is my birthday, my 'work husband' (Mike) took me out to lunch today. He took me to a very nice place on the Wilmington Riverfront called Harrys Seafood Grill. You wanna know what I had? (I know you do)
We started off with a crab and artichoke dip that was a little too creamy, but overall quite good. For my entree I had the pan seared diver sea scallops. The scallops were nice and big and not overly seasoned, served with soba noodles in an exotic sauce. Very good.

Oh right, the story.

So, we had just finished our appetizer when the hostess came to a nearby table to seat a woman. Since I like to listen in on other peoples conversations, this is what I overheard: "Could you please seat us in that booth, I am dining with a celebrity." This peaked my interest. She was then sat in the corner booth directly behind me. A few minutes went by and her party still had not joined her. I sat anxiously awaiting the big surprise. Maybe it would be Matthew McConaughey or Sarah Jessica Parker. They were recently sighted down at the Delaware beaches filming a new movie.

A man walked in. He was short and kind of frumpy looking. He sat down with the women behind me. Well, I guess I just don't know who he is, I guess I'll forget about it and start paying attention to my own conversation. A couple seconds later, a light skinned black woman (african american? I don't know, what is the pc term these days?) walked past the table. I recognized her! It was none other then...

Are you ready for it?

Jasmine Guy.

You have no idea who that is do you?

Here is a clue...she played a rich snotty bitch whose boyfriend (on the show) was Dwayne Wayne.

Still don't know?

She was Whitley on
A Different World

Ok Ok. I know that you still probably don't know who she is, but for little ole Wilmington, Delaware thats a pretty big star. I was pretty stoked. I mean, what better surprise could I get on a work day at lunchtime?

In case you're wondering. She had the mussels. When she saw them on the menu she said, "Mmmm. Mussels."

Apparently she is in town to give some sort of talk about AIDS at one of the art galleries in town. How do I know that? Simply because I hung on every word that I could possible hear over the back of the booth.

Alright, thats my story. You can stop thinking I am a loser for getting excited about some b-rate...ok fine, c-rate celebrity now. I live a very small existence, but I still think I'm cool.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Jessica's All Important Love/Hate List

So, since I have nothing to write about today, I have decided that you NEED to read Jessica's all important Love/Hate list. These are just a few of the things that are either pissing me off, or filling my days with joy


  • HATE: Bruce Springsteen-Makes me want to rip off my ears a la Van Gogh. He is very difficult to escape up here in Bruce Country (especially since I listen to a classic rock radio station)
  • LOVE: Laguna Beach (the show, not the town. well, probably the town too, but I have never been there so I wouldn't know) Yes, this is terribly embarrassing. But, this is the one and only reality show that I watch so that helps bring my cool factor up a little right?
  • HATE: Cleaning my house- The dishes in my kitchen sink are piled so high that it is like playing Jenga to move one.
  • LOVE: My Dyson- Yes, I hate to clean, but suddenly vacuuming is so much more fun!
  • HATE: UGGS- I am sorry to anyone reading this that owns Uggs. I am quite sure they are the most comfortable things in the world, but eww! And please, If you must wear them, don't pull the 'Its is 20 degrees out so I must keep my feet and ankles warm with my sheep herder boots, but I must still wear my ultra-mini skirt (with no pantyhose, thus defeating the point of wearing warm shoes) to look cute!'
  • LOVE: My new Dooney and Bourke purse. OK, so its not totally new, I bought it at a consignment shop, but it is new to me so that totally counts! (I'll post a pic soon)
  • HATE: Dreary days- Impending winter...otherwise know as fall. It makes me want to curl up on my couch all the time and read a good book, while this is fine for catching up on my reading, it horribly distorts my running regimen.
  • LOVE: Fall clothes- I hate fall, but I love it's fashion! I am such a scarf and sweater person. I believe that I have what some might consider a coat fetish. Colin has gotten to the point where he will not let me buy any more coats, even if I were to threaten hypothermia for lack of the perfect jacket to match every outfit.
  • HATE: Rap- I am SO over rap. I used to like it, and I still listen to some of the oldies but goodies on my mp3 player while I run, but I have no use for it beyond that. Every song these days is so degrading toward women, that I wonder what type of horrible society we will live in by the time this 'rap' generation grows up. Aren't we moving backwards?
  • LOVE: Weekend trips- We are going to Florida (which just got wrecked by Wilma) in two weeks to see FIL. I will also be meeting Colin's brother, sister-in-law and niece from Sweden for the first time. Couldn't be more excited! I get to buy baby clothes (shes 18 months)
  • HATE: Having no baby myself. I will be the first to admit that I am not ready for the magical world of parenting yet, but god dammit I want one! Wah!
  • LOVE: Tea- Nothing special. Just Lipton. Perfect on cold mornings, and afternoons, and evenings...
  • HATE: That Nextel merged with Sprint- I had Sprint when I first got a cellphone. I found it to be a bit of a stigmata. Sprint was kind of the company for derelicts. So I switched to Nextel, which has a much better repore. Now, I am back to being a 'Sprint' customer? What the fuck?!
  • LOVE: Target- I recently re-discovered the fabulousness that is Che Target. I have never been one to buy my clothes at K-Mart or similar, but Target makes me feel like I have been shopping at my local super center with their wonderful prices, but makes me feel like I just stepped out of Banana Republic with their adorable, quality clothing!
  • HATE: Cowboy Boots- I am all about real cowboys and girls wearing them, I am just not so sure that they should be brought into mainstream fashion. I don't think that this is a look that normal women can pull off without ending up looking like they are dressed up for Halloween.
  • LOVE: That you have actually read this whole list. :)

Friday, October 21, 2005

Warning: Offensive Content

Colin bought me XM radio for Christmas last year.
It was the number one most wanted thing on my list. I couldn't be happier! Fast forward to this past weekend....
I finally installed XM in the car. OK, its been nearly a god damned year people! This is unacceptable and I should have the damn thing taken away from me due to my irresponsibility with such an amazing service. But nonetheless, I am so excited! The main reason that I wanted XM is to be able to listen to
Opie and Anthony.

*background info*
O & A used to be on the radio as an afternoon talkshow. They are absolutely crude, disgusting and utterly hysterical! They are the inventors of such wonderful concepts as 'Whipem Out Wednesdays (WOW)' and 'Sex for Sam'. You have undoubtedly seen their WOW stickers on the bumpers of countless work trucks and Econoline vans throughout your area. The men driving these vehicles will generally be fat and balding middle-aged types. WOW is the pratice where women flash their breasts to cars bearing these stickers...but only on Wednesdays. Sex for Sam was a contest they had a few years ago. Pairs of listeners were to go to various locals throughout NYC and have public sex. This was the reason for their demise. They were promptly kicked off the air after two of the contestants got caught having sex inside of St. Patricks Cathedral during mass. Thus, the switch to XM.

The Scene: 1998 Audi A4. Driving north on Rt. I-95 towards MIL's house.

We finally find the channel that broadcasts O&A. It is the weekend, therefore they are playing the 'Best Of the Week', clips from various shows that happened in the past week (hopefully that is self explanitory, but you never know!). Within the first minute of listening to the program we hear...


"Sometimes she just needs a big fucking cock in her ass"

Wow.

I forgot this is uncensored.

But ha!ha!

You should have seen the look of shock on our faces!! So, its really hard to adjust to hearing these types of statements come out of the radio. But I FUCKING love it!!!

Anyway...they have this program going on where anytime you can possibly get on TV you should try and mention O&A and how great they are. They tell stories of listeners interupting live news broadcasts by jumping up and down in the background screaming "O&A on XM channel 202!!" and whatnot.

Last night I turn on FOX (belch!) to watch the Simpsons. Instead however, I am confronted with live video of a Philadelphia congressman about to kill himself by jumping off of city hall. Heres the story. It was a very tense moment. The mayor came in to try and help talk him down, they sent in the swat team. I mean, the guy is in phsyciatric care now. The whole time, I am wondering...



How long would it take me to get to city hall so that I can yell and scream about Opie and Anthony.



Yup. I am going to hell.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Deep Dark Abyss

What did I do before computers? This glorious technology has sucked me in and I have fallen into its deep dark abyss. Case in point: This morning I arrive at work and sit down in my 21st century prison, otherwise known as a cubicle.

me:ctrl+alt+del
computer: Please sign in using your password
me: *****
computer: password invalid. remember passwords are case sensitive.
please log in using your password.
me: *****?
computer: password invalid. remember passwords are case sensitive.
please log in using your password.
me: **?***?!**
computer: login denied. someone has tried to guess password values.
the system is now locked. please contact your system administrator.
me: fuck! its only 6:30am. there will not be any IT people until at least 8:00am.
what to do?!?!
....
me: lazy IT people should wake up earlier.
....
me: Oh, I'll go get morning tea and bagel! wait? do I hear an IT person? woohoo!
IT chick: I can't help you. am just a temp.
me: frick!
*goes, gets bagel and tea, smokes cigarette, reads bit of newspaper,
returns to desk.
me: maybe just one more try *****
computer: you are a stupid asshole! the caps lock has been on the entire time!
haven't you noticed me saying PASSWORDS ARE CASE
SENSITIVE! moron!
me: wow. really am a dumbass.

So, I lost about an hour or so of work this morning bacause I am blonde (no offence to any other blondes out there). But ha! like I do any work in the first place. Who am I trying to kid? lost an hour of work my ass. I had an excuse *albeit not a very good one* to not work.

It was horrible though. I felt like my world had collapsed around me. Normally while not working I play on the internet. I teach myself new countries, and learn about how to run better, and plan this weeks dining adventures. But not this morning, no. It was all prehistoric like.

I mean reading a newspaper?! Don't people know that you can do that online? And seriously, its alot easier. What with the, not having to hold the ridiculously long sheets of dirty inky paper in front of your face until your arms get tired, at which point you have only made it through one paragraph because the font is so small and your arms have started to shake so violently that your eyes start darting all over the page trying to keep up with the speed of your arms, only to find that now youre reading about some kid that got an award for having the best plant specimen instead of the article you were trying to read about george damn bush being a dumbass again so you have to keep rereading the same line one thousand times before you actually have any idea what you just read. You know what Im talking about.

you gotta love the internet.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Hippy Hair


I have a never ending list of things to do. I swear, everyday, nothing gets crossed off and twenty thousandy more things get added. It is insane really. I mean, I have a pretty boring life. And its not like I have kids or aged parents to take care of. And it is all stupid shit too. Like get my haircut.
It has been since May people. MAY! Like, before I got married!
I was sitting at my horribly boring job the other day picking at my split ends. This is not good. How hard is it even? I get to sit back and relax while someone plays with my hair (which by the way is like my ultimate simulation thing ever! and also? something Colin never does. So baby, if you read this, play with my hair!!) I think what is holding me up is my lack of hair style. I currently have nothing going on. We are talking 70's hippy hair. Not that I have a problem with hippy hair, but a style would make me much more excited about my hair's self worth. Oh, and I live in Delaware. We have maybe one salon that I would even trust to give me a "style". And I? Cannot afford such lavish beauty treatment.
Once upon a time, when I actually had time to do things that normal women would never dream of skipping, I went to random salon #452. When the chicky was finished my cut, she asked if I wanted my hair dried straight or curly. You see, my hair is oddly wavy. Not like the covetable wave of Jennifer Aniston's hair. More like 'No. I will not have waves all over. Just underneath and a couple of insane curls right near the face. But those pieces in front?? Yeah, I am gonna leave them stick strait. Not even a curling iron will work on me there. Nope.' (That was my hair talking) So anyway. I tell the lady to go for the curly thing, which I can slightly achieve on my own with a little moose and massive scrunching until my hands are about to fall off. But I figure, shes a professional. Surely she knows what shes doing.
HA!
I left the 'salon', if you can even call it that, looking like the offsring of Shaft and a poodle on crack.
(get a good mental picture of that one real quick....)
And, moving on.
I literally RAN to my car with my shirt pulled over my head in fear of actually being seen by anyone.
And this? is typical for me. I don't know that I have ever actually gotten a decent haircut. But alas, it currently is on my list of things to do, even though I already know how it will turn out. So, my question to you is this:
any ideas on a 'style' for Jessica?
By the way. I am pretty sure that is the WORST picture to have ever been taken of me. Let alone posted for all the internet to see should they choose to stumble upon my journal.
(Janet, I guess I am talking to you since your the only one who reads this...sad sad little girl I am.)
Superb.
Much love, and all that.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Its Friday. Work is done for the week. I am sitting on my couch (rather, I was sitting on my couch until I came to write this entry. I really need a laptop) watching "Whose Wedding Is It Anyway", which I watched insecantly before my own wedding, when I started thinking. Why did I stress out so bad over the wedding? I mean seriously. It's one day. Nothing has changed since our wedding day other then the fact that we now have a marriage liscence. It is hung on our fridge by a magnet that says "Pike Creek Animal Hospital" which is the cats vet. But thats it. Don;t get me wrong, everything is absolutely wonderful in my land of wedded bliss. But of real, why do brides stress so bad? Are we just trying to impress our friends, and all those people that we are told that we are related to whom have have never actually met until that day? My wedding had about two thousand different things go wrong. But no one was any the wiser. And isn't it really about the union between the bride and the groom anyway?
Sorry, I have had a glass of wine. A 1993 Yellow Tail Chardonney Reserve to be exact. A bottle that we got as a wedding gift. But, Colin doesn't drink so lucky me! For some reason when I was driving home from work my left hand started tingling. Well, anyone who has ever met me knows that I immediatly jumped to the conclusion that I was having a heart attack. So how do I solve it? I drink. Alcohol thins your blood right? So I figure that p[;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;A

Wow. Sorry Monkey took over the keyboard for a minute. She may do it again. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Monkey is our cat/daughter by the way.

OK. so the tingling hasn't exactly gone away. But I feel much better. If anyone out there in Internet land thinks I should call 911 Please, let me know. Thank you.

That is all.

Goodnight


But Jess, It's only 4:30?!

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Train of Thought

I want to go shopping. No. I NEED to go shopping.
I was going throught my closet over the weekend when I discovered this. If you ask my husband, he will vehemently disagree. It all started when we had to empty out our laundry/storage/utility room because our condo building is falling apart. They discovered a huge crack in the foundation of our building. Big enough to put my arm into. Not that I would...Because of lovely said hole, water has been seeping into the foundation. (REMINDER: I live on the bottom floor. Our building is built into a hill. ALL water from 50 miles around runs right into the back of our unit.) For the past two years I have smelled like the enticing aroma of mildew, cigerettes, and cat. I think I will market my new fragrence under the name Eeewwww. So finally. The foundation is better and now they get to come in and take care of all the nasty mold that I have apparently been living with. No wonder I am always sick. It couldn't possibly be because of the mold. "No, Maam. The mold is non-toxic. It presents no danger to you and your family." Bullshit. You try living with mold and then tell me its fine. But whatever. So our laundry room shares a wall with my neighbors storage room. This wall has been eaten alive by the mold monster. Apparently underneath of the hideous linoleum (think 1970's brown gold and orange stained glass. Mmm) there is also a colony of mold slowly devouring our unit as well. This weekend, me and Colin emptied out the storage room. "But Jessica?" you ask. "Where in the world did you put all of the stuff that you were storing in the room?" Well I'll tell you. The kitchen. The dining room. The hallway. Our bedroom closet. When one enters our home, they are immediately greeted by boxes stacked on boxes on top of boxes. It is really quite an unusual decorating scheme. But hey, our living room colors are brown and orange, so 'cardboard' matches quite nicely.
Lovely tanget...back to original story. In cleaning out the laundry/storage/utility room, I came across many pairs of old shoes. I thought to myself, "Self, what the hell were you thinking wearing these hideous shoes out in public? Sure you were a teenager, but that is no excuse!" My parents church is having a shoe drive for the victims of hurricane Katrina. A noble cause. And, perfect timing. Bye-bye old shoes. Fare thee well. I wish you a long and happy life on someone elses feet. Now, I have lots of room for new shoes. Pretty shoes. Kitten heels and winter boots.
This whole tirade of empting laundry rooms got me on a cleaning kick. And also, apparently, a generous kick. I went through my closet later that weekend and realized, I have an insane amount of clothes that I no longer wear. Some, I have had since high school. Ohters are from my fat period last year and no longer fit. Still others are from my earlier skinny years. All of my efforts to get back into them have seemed to come to a screeching halt. I am seemingly destined to a life of being a size 6/8. Fine. I don't need to be a 4. No need to look anorexic. But I had some really cute pants back then! Better to just give them to goodwill and surrender to the new size. I think I emptied about half of my wardrobe. Colin, its time for a shopping spree! Really though, I do need new pants. And maybe a cute velvet blazer for the fall. And a knee length suede skirt. Oh, and some cute fitted button downs like the ones from Banana Republic. And a nice cashmere turlteneck, and...