a persson

Bye-Bye

2006-02-24T13:12:00.000-05:00

I've moved! Please come visit me at www.intherightlight.com and don't forget to update your links.

Four Things

2006-02-15T12:44:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Kelly I have something to write about today!

Four jobs I've held:

1. Bartender @ Rosie's in Chester, England and The Corn Crib in Gap, PA
2. I was a cool kid and I worked in a record store. Well, I worked in the music department at Borders. I guess that's kind of an allegory of my life...almost cool but still a nerd.
3. Structural Designer at current employer, a.k.a. most boring job ever
4. Pizza delivery grrl

Four movies I can watch over and over:

1. Sliding Doors. B-movie with Gwenyth Paltrow. Fab!
2. Spaceballs, need I say more?
3. Super Troopers
4. Kubrik's entire catalog. Including but not limited to: Eyes Wide Shut, Clockwork Orange, 2001, etc.

Four places I've lived:

1. Hockessin, Delaware
2. London-ish, England (If I said Thorpe, England would you know where that was?)*
3. New Orleans, Louisiana
4. Hobbie, Pennsylvania

Four TV shows I obsess over:

1. Scrubs
2. Gilmore Girls
3. How I Met Your Mother
4. The O.C.
I could go on and on...how sad that t.v. is my life

Four Family Vacations I've been on (does that mean with Mom and Dad? or husband? Hm, I'll do both):

1. Brekenridge, CO (parents)
2. Key West, FL (husband)
3. Everywhere, Europe (parents)
4. San Pancho, Mexico (husband)

Four of my favorite fast food dishes:

1. Moe's Burritos
2. Chicken McNuggets w/honey
3. Bacon double cheeseburger. The sandwich that destroyed my vegetarianism. "It's not REAL meat, surely it doesn't count."
4. French Slam from Dennys

Four sites I visit daily:

1. My Blogroll
2. Woot.com
3. Patterson Schwartz Real Estate (just in case I win the lottery I like to know what's on the market)
4. MySpace

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. On a beach
2. With Colin
3. NYC (but minus the 29" of snow that they have currently)
4. London

Consider Yourself Tagged!

*Funny Side Story:
When my college roommate Janet received her roommate assignment information, her Mom called to let her know. In a bit of a panic she read off:

Jessica Howell, UK

Well, her Mom thought the UK meant Ukraine and she was afraid I wouldn't speak any English. Janet corrected her and all was well, but I always found it to be a humorous story.

Damn Groundhog

2006-02-13T13:26:00.000-05:00

Suuuure it's going to snow. I believe the weatherpeople, they're alllways right.

Weatherpeoples prediction: 8-12"

My prediction: 3-5"

Actual snowfall: 16"
Weatherpeople: 1
Me: 0

Yup, we got blanketed in this weekend. It's great to be stuck indoors all weekend with the hubby and the kitties. Hot chocolate, fireplaces, and cheesy movies. Just not so much in your parents basement. I don't know, it kinda takes the romance out of it, call me crazy.

Especially annoying thing #517, smoking outside (cause maybe I forgot to tell you, but that whole quitting thing lasted until I was standing outside of the smoldering ashes of my home at which point, give me a fucking cigarette!) (oh and, we're not smokers, we're just going through a hard time) (no really, I swear)

Smoking outside is even more uber-annoying when it is a blustery 15 degrees outside and snow is coming at you sideways. Not happy drunk on wine sideways either. Which there was a little of that this weekend too, but when is there not?

"All of this snow has made us tired. goodnight"

First step to crazy-ville

2006-02-07T07:44:00.000-05:00

I have a terrible confession to make. I don't think that I should be allowed to drive at night. Why? Because I hallucinate. Only at night though. And dusk. And dawn. Really, any time that it's not light out. I have recently discovered that I have this problem. Or more likely, I have recently admitted to this problem.

It started out innocently enough. A leaf fluttering across the road would look like a mouse. An oddly shaped tree would appear human like. Now it has taken on new forms. I see bizarre things that you would only see in the Serengeti or Alaska. Two nights ago while Colin was driving, I saw a giraffe. No seriously, I thought there was a giraffe in the road. In Delaware. Home to the insanly large population of exactly zero giraffes. Upon arriving at the point in the road where the giraffe was standing, I noticed that there was nothing. No wayward branches or discarded ladders. Just asphalt. This was a new twist in my situation. This time there was nothing there for me to mistake for something else.

About four years ago, I was in the car with a friend driving down a fairly major road. It's one of those highways with two lanes either direction separated by a grassy median. On either side of the road it is heavily wooded. Out of the woods on the left hand side a man came running from the trees holding a gun in his hand with his arm fully extended, pointing directly at our car. We were the only car around, and it was dark. Both of us ducked down in fear, and kept going. No eyes on the road. At the time, I was on the phone with Janet, and no I wasn't the one driving. The next day, I was flying down to visit her in New Orleans and I was securing airport pickups and whatnot. Janet is my proof in this story that I wasn't hallucinating. Only now, I am a little worried that maybe I was.

I unfortunately don't remember the way the events of the moment unfolded. Perhaps I yelled, "There is a man with a gun running at us!" which in turn caused the both of us to duck. Or perhaps she saw it too and we both ducked instinctively. Or maybe she is the one that saw the lone gunman, and she warned my unobservant ass that, hello? duck bitch or you might die! When I asked her about it, she had no recollection of it ever even happening which, makes me that much crazier.

My hallucinating may of may not be years in the making. There may of may not have been a random man trying to kill us. There certainly was no giraffe in the road. I am perhaps certifiably crazy. My recommendation to you? Always offer to drive at night if you are with me. Otherwise you may end up careening off of a cliff while I swerve to avoid the machete wielding chimpanzee in my peripheral.

The Smoke is Clearing

2006-01-30T09:12:00.000-05:00

First and foremost, I want to thank everyone for your thoughts and emails during this whole ordeal. You have been so wonderful. It is bizarre to know that there is this whole group of people on the internet that I have never met, but that care enough to drop a line and wish us the best. I wish I could put into words how much it means to me. Thank you all.

Now that things are starting to calm down around here, my head is actually clear enough to write an entry.

Last week, on top of everything else, our cat Baby, had to be rushed to the vet. Tuesday morning Colin called me at 7:15 and asked me where the dust pan was because one of the cats had gotten up onto a shelf an knocked over some glass. No big deal. I told him where to find it and went back to 'working.' About two seconds later he called me in hysterics. Turns out Baby had a huge gash in his front leg and was bleeding pretty bad. So off to the vet with him. $150 later, I bring home a stitched up, slightly groggy from anesthesia cat. Well, Monkey was NOT happy.

We have brought the cats to the vet separately before and never had a problem when returning home. Maybe it was all of the stress that they are already under, living in one small room, being rescued from a burning building, that sort of thing. Whatever it was, I thought Monkey was going to rip Baby's head off. Monkey would not let him get within five feet of her. Poor Baby was so upset. He started just sitting in the corner staring at the wall. This threw me into violent tears because, HELLO! THAT'S YOUR BROTHER! LOVE HIM! And it's not like we could put them in separate rooms so instead I stayed awake all night protecting wounded Baby. Which was fun. And, I didn't go to work the next day.

My parent's cat, or my cat from my younger years, also got hurt. Maxwell must have gotten into a neighborhood brawl a few weeks ago. Apparently during the bout he was bit. We didn't find it until it abscessed and he licked all the fur off of it. So Maxwell went to the vet the same day Baby did.

Max is the King of the block. He has lived there and reigned over the territory for 15 years. The other cats know not to fuck with him. Even dogs cower in fear and cross to the other side of the street when they see him. But new neighbor cat is fearless. Or stupid. Or maybe just hasn't heard not to fuck with Max yet. Cause he did. $150 later, Max comes home wearing one of those collars to keep him from licking/scratching at the wound. Which worked for all of 20 minutes. At which time I ran to the store and grabbed a package of onesies. We played Project Runway. "Your challenge this week is to make a cat fit into a onesie designed for a newborn". He hates us. Plus, now he's not allowed outside. Try teaching a 15 year old cat new tricks. So the poor old man just lays around the house looking pitiful, longing to get outside and challenge neighbor cat to a rematch.

So, I think that you're all caught up now. When it rains it poors...

The Surreal Life

2006-01-20T14:48:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had one of those nightmares where your worst fear was coming true? The kind where you wake up and your sheets are in disarray and your pillow is laying on the floor next to you? But you woke up though right? The past few days have been that way for me, except I am beginning to realize now that it's not a dream, it's my life. I am not going to wake up from this one, but I need to wake up to realize that this is life. My life. My dream turned nightmare.

As I type this I sit at my parents computer. In the bedroom that I grew up in, now their home office. This is the house that I left 4 years ago to begin my new life with the man of my dreams. I never thought I would be back in this house for more then Christmas Dinner and the occasional drop-by to say hello. But today, as I sit here, I am so thankful that I can call it home again.

On Tuesday January 17, 2006 my home burned down. I was at work when I heard the news. Colin called me and half frantically, half casually said, "Have you talked to Lynn yet, (our neighbor and one of my Bridesmaids) she just called me, our house might be on fire." In our lives we are slightly prone to misinformation. Certain things get obsessed over and then never happen, or weren't true to begin with. This, I assumed, was just one of those times. Calmly I said, "Okay dear, I will be on my way home in a minute, just let me finish some things around here." We had a huge project to finish at work this week, and I really didn't have the time to go home just to find that the fire was no where near my place. I went over and told my carpool that we needed to leave and went to find my boss to let him know. At this point I had already tried to get out of work with a thousand different excuses; my dog is sick (I don't have a dog), my car won't start, I think I've got the flu. All of these were jokes of course and my boss knew that. So when I walked up to him and said, "I have to go my house might be on fire" he just kind of looked at me and chuckled...Then he realized I wasn't joking and told me to get the hell out of there immediately. I think it was at that moment that I realized it could be true. The look of horror in his face made me understand.

Five minutes later I am in my car and about a third of the way through my drive home. My phone rings and it's Colin. He just got to the entrance of the neighborhood and they wouldn't let him drive in. So he was running down the street though the myriad of emergency vehicles and past Caution tape. Finally he made it to our street. At first he said, oh don't worry, it's not ours, it's the building next to us. The he got a little closer and I heard him gasp and start screaming "Our Cats! Get our Cats! He screamed into the phone something about flames shooting from our house like he has never seen before. The panic in his voice made me quiver like a dog during a thunderstorm. I hung up the phone and stepped on the gas pedal. By the time I got there crowds had gathered. The firefighters had stopped the fire from spreading any further. What seemed like hours later, Lynn screamed, "Jess! The cats!!" and ran towards one of the firemen. Sure enough they had found her baby and she embraced him with all the love of a mother. Tears started streaming down her face and about a dozen news crews snapped pictures like she was god-damned Britney Spears and it was the first glimpse of Sean Preston. There she was in this moment of human tragedy, racked with emotion and all they could do was think about their cover story.

A few minutes later I looked up and saw the scene from of every BackDraft type movie. The big burly fireman walking out of the smoldering building with the soaking wet kitty in his arms. I ran over and grabbed him from his arms, Baby. My child, he was safe. I ran him to the EMT and they gave him oxygen. Colin followed about 30 seconds behind me with Monkey. Reporters were shoving their microphones in my face right and left and it's a blur from there. I don't really remember anything beyond that point. Once my children were safe in our arms my brain just kind of shut off.

The red cross was there. They gave us vouchers for food and clothing from K-Mart. We went that night and got the basics to get us through the next couple of days. As we were loading it in our car we realized that everything we own fit into the back seat of our car. It was a sobering moment.

I won't continue to give the full account of my week. It only gets worse. And then a little better, and then much worse. We didn't have insurance. What we lost in the fire is gone, we will never get it back, not even replacements. We were able to save some things, like clothes and pots and pans. Everything smells terrible. At first it was like a campfire smell. I love camping so I think the smell triggered good memories for me. But since we lived on the bottom floor everything was soaking wet from all of the water they dumped on the fire to make it stop destroying our homes. So now, a couple of days later our few belonging smell dank and disgusting. When we went in to salvage what we could, it was like it was raining from our ceiling. The water was pouring down every wall and at every seam. Paint on the ceiling was forming huge blisters of water behind it. They would stretch the paint until it couldn't take and more and then explode like a water balloon. The smell in the building was choking. We couldn't drink enough water. When I close my eyes at night it's all that I can smell.

We have waited to hear what caused the fire. And we have been waiting to find out what will happen with our mortgage. We finally found that out this morning. We were hoping the the condo association's insurance policy would buy us out and we could put it all behind us. Turns out that's not the case. They will rebuild them, which means we still have a mortgage and condo fee to pay. Which means that we can't afford rent anywhere else. Which makes us technically homeless. Have you every been homeless? It is a heart-wrenching feeling. Sure, we can stay with my parents as long as we need to, but that is looking longer and longer. And with two cats it's kind of tough to contain them in one room. But they can't roam, my parents have a cat. A cat with claws who is very territorial. My cats would not bode well in that fight.

Throughout this whole ordeal I have been floored repeatedly by the kindness of friends and strangers. My parent's church gave us money to help us out. My work is taking up a donation right now. People are offering to do whatever they can. It has genuinely restored my faith in the American people. Often times we get so caught up in our lives that we forget there are other people around us too. Good people. People that need our help. I wish that I could give every single one of them a hug. And thank them. And to everyone who sent emails with their prayers and condolences, thank you. You have no idea how much it means to us. This too shall pass. And we will come out the other side a little stronger and a little wiser because of it. But for now we will forge ahead and try to remember what it was like to live with Mom and Dad. And I? Will go bake thousands of brownies to bring to the 10 different fire companies that responded to the fire and saved my cats for me. I have never met such courageous and heroic people.

I am sorry if this doesn't read well. I cannot proof read it because I will just start sobbing if I actually have to re-read and think about it.

This used to be our home.

No, I do not look like this picture

2006-01-17T06:35:00.000-05:00

I recently discovered the joy that is make-up brushes. More specifically, eye shadow brushes. You see I always just haphazardly threw on eyeshadow with the spongy foamy stick thing provided. I know, blasphemy! I believe my inability to fully comprehend makeup stems from my mother. My darling Mommy.

She's not a hippy. She's not a tomboy. She's a normal mom. Usually people have excuses for why their mom never taught them how to pluck their eyebrows. Their names are usually Harmony or Sunshine. I guess my Mom was just old fashioned. Growing up, thirteen was the magic number. I could do everything when I turned thirteen. It was the year that I would finally be able to get my ears pierced, wear make-up, and shave my legs. That's right, I wasn't allowed to shave my legs until I was thirteen years old. I was in 9th grade, high school, when I turned thirteen.

I was the girl in middle school that was wearing pants in 90 degree weather. I always elected not to play outside at recess because it was just too damn hot. I was so embarrassed. Oh the horror! 'What if Brad sees me and my unkempt legs! He will never like me! Especially since Lindsey has been shaving since she could walk.' It got to the point where I actually resorted to attempting to "shave" with scissors. I still have an indentation in my leg where I took a little chunk of skin out instead of hair. We are talking serious tragedy here. I blame all of my current social tics on the fact that 13 was just too late in life to begin such fundamental girl things.

So now, at 24 years old, I am finally learning how to properly do my makeup. I went to Sephora and got all kinds of pretty little brushes designed to make my getting ready flawless and simple every time. However, I am afraid that perhaps I am overdoing it a tad. If you ever see me walking down the street and I look as if I am street walking, please pull me into the nearest dark alley and molest my face with some makeup remover, because I am still trying to get this right. I have 13 years worth of catching up to do. Oh and also if you have any tips for me, please let me know.

Cigarette butts and McDonald's Bags

2006-01-12T07:38:00.000-05:00

Holy shit she's alive!

I tried to come up with a good excuse for why I haven't written in the past million days, but then I decided not to lie. It's qwyzzle ya'll.

It is kind of like an internet scavenger hunt. There are 100 levels and I am on 57. It has sucked me in and I am deep within it's grasp. Don't say I didn't warn you.

I decided I needed to take a break and write a little as my head is reeling from level 56.

Not much has happened this week. Except that Colin cleaned the house. This is a B.I.G. deal. Colin doesn't clean. He hides things. If he goes to the McDonald's drive-thru, he will eat the food and then shove the bag into a strange crevice in the couch only to be found by me, months later, when I move the couch to vacuum behind it. I don't get it either, don't worry. It's one of his weird quirky things. He has many. Although to be fair, I am sure that I have more.

Colin hasn't had to work for the past three days. You see, he works for my brother and whenever my brother doesn't work, neither does Colin. It could be that my brother is sick or there is no work to be done or he wants to play a round of golf that day. Whatever. This week it just so happens that he seems to have gotten a case of the food poisoning that's going around. So no worky for Colin. Also no pay for Colin. This isn't a fancy job with paid vacation and health insurance. You don't work, you don't get paid. So, to make up for the lack of money that we will have this week, Colin decided to clean the house. And also cause we don't smoke anymore.

When we were smokers we had no problem living in our own filth. Ashtrays with mounded up cigarette butts and overflowing with stinky ashes were a regular sight at La Casa Persson. Not to mention the random McDonald's bags, empty cigarette packs, dirty dishes, and balls of cat hair. We knew it was there, we just didn't care. Sure, I would get embarrassed when visitors stepped in the doorway, but I would just light up and feel all better about it. Now, we have realized just how disgusting we really were. The smoke had lifted...so to speak.

The past three days I have come home from work to a progressively cleaner house. Monday I walked through the door and I could see the dining room table. A huge step when you consider that there is a dining table hidden somewhere behind this wall of boxes. Tuesday I came home and I could actually walk all the way around the dining table and even sit and ! eat ! at the table. Wednesday I come home and the house smells of Raspberry scones and not cat litter box. I can sit on every chair in the house as well as walk into our bedroom without having to bound over piles and piles of dirty, and possibly some clean, laundry. I want to host a dinner party or something. A toast to my newly rediscovered beautiful house! Instead we cooked ourselves a real dinner. Lambchops with mushroom risotto and parmesan asparagus. And then we sat at the table we purchased with the intention of using for meals. We opened a bottle of Dog House Chardonnay and enjoyed every last drop.

And by the way, it's national de-lurking week, so all two of you that read my blog better leave a comment dammit! Or else...

Tidbits

2006-01-06T08:44:00.000-05:00

I am actually busy at work this week. I know right, that is totally not possible. I NEVER do anything around here. But alas, tis true. So for lack of something better, I thought I would just throw a couple of updates out here.

* I am officially a non-smoker. Or at least that is what I keep telling myself. I am on day number 5 and it is going surprisingly well. After that first horrific day and night, I have been cruising through without much problem. The hardest part is the habit, not the nicotine. When I am done eating dinner I instinctively reach for a smoke. Its weird, I never really realized how ingrained it was. Colin is doing well with it too. I don't think he wants it as badly as I do though and that makes it a little harder for him. Lynn is a quitter. Actually she's a non-quitter. She gave up. She came over taunting us with a freshly purchased pack last night. We have will power.

* My friend/co-worker Bill, that was diagnosed with Leukemia passed away yesterday afternoon. It was a very short struggle, which I think is probably best. I am glad he didn't have to suffer for months on end. He was a wonderful man, full of life and character. Heaven just got one of our best.

* I am slowly getting used to the new hair. Turns out, the bangs weren't really too short, she just put so much product in them, that they appeared shorter. Or my hair grows maniacally fast. You choose. I prefer my hair with less volume, does that make me weird?

* Speaking of me being weird, Janet mentioned that her sister, who is currently in dental school, has pictures of jars full of teeth. I was overcome with curiosity and therefore left a comment that perhaps I'd like to see the tooth jar. Well, apparently I am not so crazy, others left comments in the same vain and lo and behold, today? pictures! With jars full of teeth! Crazy I am.

* I need new black boots. I am tasking you, my reader(s) with scouring the internets and finding me the perfect pair. Good: ankle/calf height, black, leather or similar (no suede, patent, etc.). Price: $0-125. Still up in the air: pointy or round toe. I am a big fan of the point even though it is slowly being phased out. I am open to round however. Must: be classy. No chunky heels, no wedges, not too trendy, because boots should be reusable year to year. Thanks!

OK, I guess I have to get back to doing this thing called work? It is a very foreign concept and I am not quite sure how one sits still for eight full hours and actually does something other then surf the web. Wish me luck!

Extreme Makeover, Jessica Edition

2006-01-03T01:20:00.000-05:00

In an effort to start out the new year properly, I did something that I have needed to do since, oh I don't know, August or so. I got a haircut!

Before

After

I know, I know. It's barely even the same person!

You know you love the strategic-ly angled shot, so as to showcase the back of the hair as well.

She cut it too short. I specifically sat down and said, "I know that my hair is split ends up to about ear level, but please, I beg of you, do not take too much off. I know that makes me the hair stylist's anti-christ, but I love the length." Sure, she laughed and said not to worry, but look at that! There is about two inches in the dust pan at the salon that I want back! And, she cut my swoopy bangs too short, and not the way I expected, but all in all, it wasn't so bad. At least not as bad as it could have been.

Also, I am working on 36 hours and counting without a cigarette. I think that yesterday was the single longest day of my life, times a million. I am quitting cold turkey. No patches, no gum, nothing but lots of candy canes to suck on. Colin, Lynn and my work husband are all quitting as well which is helpful due to the support, but perhaps not good because we are all VERY on edge. Yesterday Lynn came over to check on me and Colin and when I answered the door she said I looked like a heroin addict, which is a lovely picture.

Aside: Speaking of heroin addicts, check out this picture of Brad Renfro. I totally used to have a crush on him back when he was Mark Sway in The Client. He looks like shit now!

Trying to sleep last night was nearly impossible. My chest hurts like nothing I have ever felt. Nicotine (or some other chemical, I am not quite sure) is a pain killer. The past twelve years my lungs have been yelling at me, but I had no idea because they were numb. Well, I think they are making up for lost time. My heart feels like it is going to explode. Let me be a lesson to you, next time you're out drinking and you feel like having a smoke, don't fucking do it! You could possibly become addicted and end up tossing and turning in your bed wishing you could just get some fucking sleep because that was supposed to be the easy part, the eight hours a night when you aren't used to getting the nicotine anyway so you ought to be fine right? but your lungs and heart seem to be working in cahoots to simultaneously explode and implode all while your head is telling you that one little cigarette will make it all better and you are trying to withstand the urge because you don't want to disappoint the people that are rallying around you...

Her hair may have been cut too short, and she may look like a heroin addict for a few days, but if the team can pull off this extreme makeover, we just might see one of the best transformations ever. Stay tuned.

Reflection

2005-12-29T08:13:00.000-05:00

In honor of the New Year, I present to you my reflections on 2005:

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? Married my soul mate, starting running, went on a diet

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't think I made any in 2005. This year, I am quitting smoking...not really a New Years resolution, more a lifestyle change

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Only people on blogs that I read!

4. Did anyone close to you die? No

5. What countries did you visit? fabulous Mexico

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? a savings account with money in it

7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? May 27, 2005...my wedding day

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting Married

9. What was your biggest failure? Being sued by my condo association

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? nothing serious

11. What was the best thing you bought? Audi A4

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My brother Andy

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? A "friend" of mine

14. Where did most of your money go? Mortgage, food, honeymoon

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? My wedding and honeymoon

16. What song will always remind you of 2005? Someone like you - Van Morrison (wedding song, I'm sensing a theme here!)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder: Happier
Older or wiser: I feel older
Thinner or fatter: Thinner, but not by much
Richer or poorer: About the same

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Laughed

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Stressed

20. How will you be spending Christmas? oops, little late

21. How will you be spending New Years Eve? Longwood Gardens, and then dinner and champagne at home with the hubby

22. Did you fall in love in 2005? Every single day

23. How many one-night stands? Zero

24. What was your favorite TV program? O.C., Entourage, Laguna Beach

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I try not to harbor resentment

26. What was the best book you read? Lullaby - Chuck Palahniuk

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Limewire hehehe

28. What did you want and get? iPod Nano

29. What did you want and not get? new Digital camera

30. What was your favorite film(s) of this year? tough one, there are so many... spanglish, 40 yr old virgin, garden state (was that this year?), rent, napolean dynamite, in good company

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I went to my fav restaurant, Continental, with my husband...I turned 24

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? a new house

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? more mature then 2004

34. What kept you sane? Colin, but sometimes he drove me insane as well

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you admire the most? reese witherspoon, kate hudson

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Iraq war, outsourcing, energy crisis

37. Who did (do) you miss? the above mentioned "friend"

38. Who was/were the best new person/people you met? Pastor Charlie

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: A wedding is just one day, a marriage is a lifetime

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "525,600 minutes. How do you measure a year in the life?"

Happy New Year Everyone!

Oh, and by the way, you've been tagged to fill this out....sorry :)

Catharsis

2005-12-27T09:25:00.000-05:00

I came to a very strange realization on Christmas. One that I am not so sure I am prepared to accept. One that I didn't think would ever apply to me.

Apparently, my friends and family think of me as 'the cat lady'. Allow me to explain.

Colin and I went to his Mom's house on Christmas Eve. From her I received not one, not two, but three pairs of socks with kitty-cats on them. Three pairs. One actually says in big letters, "I LOVE CATS". As if you couldn't already tell due to the fact them I am wearing the socks depicting cats in the first place. Don't get me wrong, they are very cute socks, and I unfortunatley will wear them.
Now, I know what you're thinking, that's just one person, surely your whole family doesn't think of you that way. Well, jump to Christmas morning. I am opening my stocking which was filled by my husband. What's the first thing that I open? Cat socks! Now, since Colin and his Mom are from the same family, I thought perhaps they are the crazy ones and it's not me?
Further evidence. We stopped off at our neighbors house on the way out the door. Lynn, she was one of my bridesmaids. I'd like to think she knows me fairly well. She gave me one of those adorable charm bracelet things where the links are the charms. Without fail, there it is, the I LOVE CATS charm, complete with paw prints as if some miniscule cat ran through the tiny charm while the metal was drying. It was at this moment that I realized I am the crazy cat lady.

It gets even worse, as I sat down at the end of the night to see what pictures I had taken to document this very important first Christmas as husband and wife, much to my chagrin I noticed, that nearly all of the pictures were of...My cats.

This was perhaps one of the more frightening moments in my life. Luckily there were a few pictures of my husband. Most notably this one:

Thank God I am already married or I would have terrible fears of dying alone and being eaten by my cats after a few days passed and they started to starve. Just for future reference, I am the Crazy Cat Lady. My new favorite website is cats in sinks. Which, lo and behold, I actually have a picture that I could submit, catapulting me a little further into crazy land. Please, pray for me.

Festivus for the Rest-of-us!

2005-12-23T08:28:00.000-05:00

One last note of depressing news, and then on to better more Christmas-y goodness!

The entire world around me has cancer. Thank God that I am quitting smoking in 9 days! (oh my god....only 9 days left! Gah!) I found out yesterday that one of my co-workers, one who I actually like, is dying of leukemia. He just found out about two weeks ago that he has cancer, but it has already taken over so badly that he will probably not be around for much of next year. Terrible. This cancer shit is out of control. I swear it didn't used to be this way. I know its not a contagious disease, but I swear its some sort of epidemic.

For the past few years I have done the Light the Night Walk for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. If you don't already know, my Mother In Law has t-cell lymphoma, so the LLS is a very important charity to me. The walks that I do are only two miles long, no big deal, but they always raise a lot of money for research. This time however, I am going to do it right. I have decided that I am going to do Team in Training this year. It is a program that offers training and support to run a marathon, or other similarly daunting physical feats. I have never had a desire to run 26.2 miles. I have always been quite happy sticking to my measly 3.5. But this year, as a reward to myself for quitting smoking, I am going to do it. The best part is, it raises a ton of money for leukemia and lymphoma research. I have to get sponsored at least $1500 in order to run the marathon. That is much better then the $150 check that I normally write when I do the walks. So, all of you can start saving your pennies now, and you can help sponsor me, and my insane goal. Think of how good you'll feel. Its win-win really!

Other news:

Janet has a really cool link in her post today. You upload your picture to this website and it tells you which celebrity you most resemble. Pretty damn cool. I used my profile pic, and it said that I am 70% Britney Spears, and Colin is 62% Elizabeth Taylor, hahaha! To be fair, I don't think I look anything like Britney, so hopefully Colin doesn't really look like Liz Taylor, but I was seriously laughing out loud at my desk this morning when i got those results.

It is my last day here at work, which also means that it is my last day with a computer until next Tuesday. So, in the spirit of things, I would like to say, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Festive Festivus, Kool Kwanza, Supper Solstice and in general Happy Holidays! Which has suddenly become taboo to say. Now that people are pissed off with the Merry Christmas, we switched to Happy Holidays. Now the Merry Christmasers are pissed at the Happy Holidays so we can't say that either. It is a never ending cycle. So whoever you are, wherever you are, have a fabulous fucking weekend! Don't drink to much, but be sure to drink enough. Enjoy your families, and be safe. I love you all!

Destiny

2005-12-21T10:38:00.000-05:00

Last Night:

*Ring Ring*

Me: Hello?

*Longtime friend that I don't talk to very often and was just married this past year, we'll call her Tara: Hey Jess

Me: Oh my god, you're pregnant aren't you? That's why your calling isn't it?

Tara: No. But I do have news...although it's not good news.

Me: (With foot in mouth) Uhoh...

Tara: We just found out that my brother has cancer.

Silence

That is a phone call that no one wants to receive.

Turns out that on Friday he was diagnosed with testicular cancer. He's 22 years old.

Last year, my almost sister-in-laws's sister, Bridgett, was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at age 24. She passed away on July 29, 2004.

Tara's brother (we'll call him Joe) seems to have a much better prognosis. They caught his cancer early enough that he was able to go through surgery yesterday to have one of his testicles removed. The thing about his cancer though, is that it spreads quickly through the lymph nodes. Common places for it to reappear include the kidneys, the lungs, and the brain. According to an MRI, he's got a pin sized cancer cell in his brain. Lance Armstrong had thousands in his by the time he found out. Joe will begin to undergo Chemo in January. He is a very active kid and should bounce back from the chemo easily.

His symptoms were very ambigous; headache, lower back pain, slight difficulty breathing. Joe lives with his Dad and Stepmom. His Stepmom just happens to be a head nurse at Christiana Hospital, which has one of the best cancer centers in the area. Because of her, he went to the doctor immediately, had all his tests done within 72 hours, and was scheduled for surgery. Without her, there is a possibility he would've ignored his symptoms, or been misdiagnosed by his doctor.

I had a revelation last night. While I was listening to Tara tell me about everything that Joe is going through, all I could think about was the fact that if her parents had never gotten divorced, her dad would never have married her stepmom. Without her stepmom's wisdom and help, Joe may have met the same fate as my now guardian angel, Bridgett. It just goes to show you that everything really does happen for a reason. I know that people often just say that to try and make people feel better when they loose their job, or their car gets totaled in an accident, but this is proof. At the time of their parents divorce, it was very traumatic, as divorce tends to be. They are all grown up now and have accepted everything that happened, but I believe this sheds new light on why it had to be that way. It makes all that pain and questioning that they went through worth it in a way.

If Colins parents had never divorced, we would never have met. If I hadn't dropped out of college, we wouldn't have met. There was a lot of fate surrounding me and Colin meeting for the first time. But I also believe that we would have met despite all of those things. Sure it would've happened differently and possibly at a different time in our lives, but I believe that we are meant to be together. But this one has me floored, because i don't think that Joe would have been so lucky if it weren't for his parents falling out of love so many years ago.

That is your though for the day, what would be different in your own life things had gone another way?

Anyway, if ya'll could think about him and send him some healing vibes, I know he would appreciate it, and so would I.

The Christmas Party Post: Now With Less Christmas Party

2005-12-20T07:49:00.000-05:00

No Christmas party for me this year.

I went out and bought a new dress, got Colin a new shirt and sweater. We were all set. Along came Friday and I realized, I didn't want to go.

This is very unlike me. In the five years that I have been with my company, I have never missed an opportunity for free booze. Some years I even went to two separate Christmas (sorry Holiday, gotta be PC) Parties. I don't know what it was about this year, I just couldn't seem to get into it. The thought of having to go home after work and get all dolled up just to go hang out with the same people I have to see day in and day out, was not as appealing this year.

We have had a lot of lay-offs around here this past year. Most of my co-workers that I could tolerate are all gone. And frankly, if I can't hang out with the cool crowd, I don't wanna hang. So, I made Christmas cookies instead.

This is only a tiny sampling of the thousand batches of cookies that I made. As you can see, there is also wine in the picture. Baking is made even better when there is wine involved. For me, not the cookies. Although....

I also learned how to knit recently, and so I join the legions of women and men across this country that are successfully knitting themselves into the limelight. Because again, if I can't hang with the cool crowd, I don't wanna hang. And as far as I've heard, knitting is the new yoga.

Baby says, "I got your yoga right here bitch."

Yeah, my cats and yarn. Not so sure how thats gonna work out yet. Oh, and my 'scarf'? Not so pretty. It looks as if it has been eaten by moths. Alas, no picture. When I get the hang of it a bit more, maybe I will give you a glimpse of my Martha-ness.

In other news, we F-I-N-A-L-L-Y have the use of our storage/laundry/utility room back. I have to say, it looks awesome. It may have even been worth the wait...no, it wasn't, I take that back. There is pretty new vinyl floor, and fresh paint. I actually have full use of my kitchen back. No more hampers and boxes to slalom through. The dining room remains untouched at this point. I have this crazy idea that I want to put everything back into the room in an organized manner. It is simply the wrong time of season to concentrate on organizing all of our junk, so instead we put away enough stuff to make our house livable and we shall tackle the rest later.

Isn't that the most gorgeous vinyl you've ever seen? I think that may
be the first time gorgeous and vinyl were used in the same sentence. Except maybe for the time when a lonely sceevy old man was speaking in reference to hooker.

Alright, I will cease the long drawn out boredom that is vaguely disguising itself as this entry. Hopefully something will happen in my mundane existence today and I will be able to entertain and delight you further tomorrow.

*UPDATE*

Here is the recipe for the 'green and brown swirly thingys' A.K.A.

Chocolate-Mint Pinwheels

Ingredients:
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup Butter, softened
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 (1-ounce) square unsweetened (or semi-sweet for a more chocolatey taste) baking chocolate, melted, cooled
1/4 teaspoon peppermint extract (DO NOT ADD MORE THEN THIS!)
2 to 3 drops green food color

Instructions:

Combine sugar, butter, egg and vanilla in large bowl. Beat at medium speed, scraping bowl often, until creamy. Reduce speed to low; add flour, baking powder and salt. Beat until well mixed.

Remove half of dough. Add cooled melted chocolate to remaining dough in bowl. Beat until well mixed. Add peppermint extract and green food color to white dough; mix well. Shape each half into 4x5-inch rectangle; wrap in plastic food wrap. Refrigerate 1 hour.

Roll out chocolate dough between two sheets of lightly floured waxed paper to 12x7-inch rectangle. Repeat with green dough. Place green dough on top of chocolate dough. Gently press doughs together. Roll up, jelly-roll fashion, starting with 12-inch side; wrap in plastic food wrap. Refrigerate until firm (at least 2 hours).

Heat oven to 375°F. Cut rolls with sharp knife into 1/4-inch slices. Place 1 inch apart onto ungreased cookie sheets. Bake for 7 to 9 minutes or until set. Remove from cookie sheets; cool completely...enjoy!

Christmas? With pictures

2005-12-13T08:07:00.000-05:00

For the past three years, Colin and I have not done much to decorate for Christmas. The first year, we just kinda piled some presents up and that was that. For our second year, we were in Key West. Very festive. We turned on that channel on the t.v. that just shows you a picture of the 'yule log' burning while incessantly playing carols. And then we went for a swim. Last year...I don't even remember last year, thats how much effort we put into it. But the year, I am determined. It is our first Christmas as old married people, and I sure as shit ain't gonna let it fall by the wayside.

As you may or may not know, our house is currently in a nearly uninhabitable state. O.K. perhaps that is a stretch, but nonetheless, there is absolutely nowhere to put a tree. I blame the boxes that are stacked on top of each other everywhere. However, if I were to be honest with myself, I don't think we could fit a tree in our tiny condo under normal cleanliness conditions either. So, little tiny fake two foot tall tree it is. Which really, when you put a two foot tall tree on top of boxes, it looks a lot bigger, see?

Isn't it pretty? I went to K-Mart (thats right, I'm a big spender) and bought that beautiful green table cloth and draped it on top of a stack of boxes and other miscellaneous household items and voila! Tree stand! Also note, sparkly green and red fancy garland, mini red christmas balls, and angel topper. Well, the angel topper was actually an ornament for a regular sized tree, but I stuck her on top of my miniature sized tree. We have a few actual ornaments because every year, I buy Colin an ornament. Something with some meaning to it. Our First Christmas, New House, New Car. This year will of course be something like We Got Married! Finally! Although last year, we received these adorable little jingle bell snow bride and groom. So technically we already have the We Got Married! ornament.

Notice how the extreme closeup of the tree shows my extraordinary inability to put lights on a tree. Doesn't sound very hard does it? Yeah, well, shutup. Also of note, that cute little house that is only halfway in the picture? Thats an ornament. However, due to the size and sturdy-ness of my tree setup, the little New House ornament quickly topples the tree when placed on its branches, so instead, it provides a skewed scale for the scene. Beware the 9000 foot douglas fir in the backyard! Perhaps I will make a village. A village with a freakishly large tree. Which is funny when you think about that fact that it is actually a freakishly small tree. Ha!

Moving on.

We also put some lights up throughout the house. And I hung the stockings by the chimney with care. This year it feels like Christmas.

Monkey says: As soon as they're gone, I'm gonna eat that tree and the little house too.

P.S. Here is a picture of my thanksgiving pies that I never got around to posting. Sorry...

2005-12-08T07:50:00.000-05:00

Crisis people. Serious crisis. Tragedy even!

My computer? Dead. Gone. Bye-bye.

My beloved has left me. I feel lost. I feel a pain in my heart never felt before. I have been wandering around in a stupor, muttering things under my breath, like the crazy lady that is always on a bench in Central Park in movies set in NYC. Thats me now!

Hello pigeons. Want some bread?

Ok, here is the lowdown. Tuesday night, Colin came in to bed and put the computer on stand-by, much like we do every other night. You see, as we have a tiny one bedroom condo, we are forced to have our "office" in the bedroom. So every night, we put the computer on stand-by so the crazy floating windows icon of the screen saver does not disturb our precious sleep. Oh how I wish did not care so much about our sleep!

Wednesday morning, Colin sits down at the computer, and nothing. No computer. She will not turn on. So, he tries a few things, unplugs it, flips the switch on the surge protector a couple of times, and still? nothing. He called me at work in a bit of a panic. You see, he needs the internet in order to coach his fantasy football team. Unlike me, he does not have a cushy job with full time internet access of which to take full advantage.

When I came home from work yesterday, I performed an autopsy on her. I removed her metal casing and stared down into her guts, hoping to see something, anything, that looks broken, or fried, or unplugged. But alas, I know nothing of computers, and my attempt to salvage her was futile. Please, if anyone knows how to possibly help me, I will be forever in your debt. I will give to you my first born child if you can help me resurrect my fallen computer. Alternatively, if anyone was wondering what to get me for christmas, a new computer would be a fantastic gift.

Business Lunch

2005-12-06T08:00:00.000-05:00

I know, I know. I totally owe ya'll a new entry. It has been a million days. Sorry.
So today boys and girls, we are going to talk about business lunches. You see, yesterday, my boss took a few of us out to celebrate a job well done. Allow me to digress for a minute.

I? am a peon. As you can tell, I do nothing at work. All day, I read blogs, write in my blog, and generally sit around being the worst employee ever. I don't want to be this way. It is actually quite boring. I would love to actually do work, but alas, I rarely have anything to do. I do not deserve a "job well done lunch".

Nonetheless, there I was, sitting around a table with 5 of my coworkers. The kind that actually DO work. The people that make it possible for me to slack off all day, every day. I do not fit in with these people. To start, I am the only girl. I work for engineers. A field that is strongly dominated by men. And rightly so. What girl dreams of growing up to be an engineering geek? Also, I am 24. Everyone else? Like 50. Possibly older. I am really bad at guessing ages.

Of course, I am excited for lunch because I know that it will be long, and that means that I can use up some of my "try to look like I'm working" time. Well, it turns out that my boss? just wanted an excuse to drink. So, yea! But also? Weird. I have always been taught that drinking at work is a sin punishable by death. The only time for drinking with co-workers is at the Holiday party, which inevitably will turn into a hysterical entry....stay tuned, Decmber 16th.

So naturally, I am a little shocked when my boss orders a Manhattan. I could see if he had gotten a beer, or even a glass of wine, but apparently, he wasn't fucking around. He was there to get plastered. As the waiter took everyone's drink order, I realized that everyone at the table was there to get plastered. Me? I chickened out and ordered iced tea. Actually, I would like to believe that it was a strategic move on my part. I waited until they had all had their first round, and then I snuck in a glass of chardonnay. I figured by then, maybe they wouldn't notice. Even though it was ok. I just couldn't get my head around that fact.

Let me tell you, lunch time with drunk bosses? very funny. And, you find out a lot about the co-workers that were unfortunate enough to not be there to defend themselves. I learned who comes to work drunk every morning, who pads their hours, and who regularly falls asleep in the mens bathroom. Because that seems like a good idea. Moral of the story? When bosses are getting drunk, make sure you are there. Otherwise, you miss out on all the juicy office gossip.

Unfortunately, by the time lunch was over, it was my quitting time. I carpool everyday and my ride actually came to the restaurant to pick me up. It was pretty damn funny when we walked out the front door of the Washington Street Ale House, and there is my work husband, in his car, waiting for me. They all had to stumble back to the office in the freezing cold. I wonder what they said about me as soon as I was gone? New moral of the story? make sure that you are always there to defend yourself.

Rent, meet Mortgage

2005-12-01T06:53:00.000-05:00

This past weekend, I went to see Rent with Janet, Alli, and Ann (three wonderful women). It was fantastic. If you haven't seen it yet, go now. No, I mean RIGHT. NOW. It's that good, I promise. It is the story of a group of artists and musicians, etc. in NYC in the 80's that are struggling for their art/cause, and don't have enough money to pay the rent. All the while, dealing with AIDS and drug addiction. A large part of the plot focuses on ideals. Mainly, on not giving up. and giving in to "the man" or whatever the case may be. It really got me to thinking about my own life.

Back when Janet and I used to dance around our dormroom, a la Tom Cruise in Risky Business, belting out the words to Tango Maureen, I felt a deep connection to the play. OK, so I wasn't addicted to drugs, or harboring AIDS, but I was one of those young idealists that was never going to give in to the corporate machine. I had rebelled against authority most of my teenage years, and I'll be damned if that was going to change any time soon! I had dreams of saving the world through architecture. (talk about ideals!) I could have wanted to build skyscrapers and make billions of dollars, become the next Frank Gehry. But that wasn't me. I was the girl that wanted to design utopian housing projects. The place where underprivileged people didn't have to live with crime and drugs and prostitutes on every corner. A place so beautiful, they would want to make their lives better, and grow beyond expectations. Expectations of the man. The government, the corporations, the people that have always told them that they were worthless. The people that left them rotting for days after hurricane Katrina. I was going to save them all.

What have I become? As I sit here in my cushy cubicle, inside my skyline dominating skyscraper of an office building. The kind that blots out the sun from the ghettos. I build power plants for a living. I pollute the earth, just so I can have a roof over my head, and food on my table. I don't put effort into caring for less fortunate people anymore. In fact, I am scared to drive through the "bad" part of town. I roll up my windows, and lock all the doors, and "God, I hope this light doesn't turn red, because then I will be stuck here longer, and what if they try to steal my car. My precious car, the one that they can only dream of, because the man hasn't given them what they deserve. What every man woman and child on this earth deserve. Hope for a better future."

When did my life go from Rent, to Mortgage? I have become what I swore against. I long for those days when I wanted to take the world by storm. Then, I drove through the Magnolia Projects, researching what the design flaws were. Planning. Doing. Now, I sit back and wait for things to fall in my lap. Then I call it fate. I used to have ideals. Now? I have a mortgage.

Sweet Yummy Goodness

2005-11-22T08:20:00.000-05:00

This evening will be all baking, all the time for me. Well, not quite, but I do have 4 pies to make by Wednesday night. Two Pumkin Pies and two Apple Pies. I LOVE to bake. I mean seriously. It's theraputic for me. I think I also really like the results :)

I am the family baker. Every time there is an occassion, I am the one bringing dessert. It all started about 4 years ago when I made my Dad a lemon meringue pie for his birthday. It came out so well, that I was requested to make the next birthday dessert. In the begining, I would use boxed cake mix and spice it up with my own special additions. About a year ago however, I decided to make a cake from scratch, and I have never looked back. I have even thought of starting a small business doing childrens birthday cakes and whatnot.

But anyway, this year I am making two pies for my family, and two to bring to my mother-in-law's house. This is the first time that I have ever spent thanksgiving away from my family, so I thought that I could make it up to them by at least baking my famous pies!

I thought I would share with you my Apple Pie Recipe:

1 unbaked 9 inch double pie crust
1/2 cup unsalted butter
3 tablespoons flour
1/4 cup water
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup packed dark brown sugar
1 egg white
8 apples * - peeled, cored and sliced
Cinnamon, Nutmeg, All Spice, Cloves

First of all, preheat your oven to 425 degrees F.
In a small saucepan melt the butter. Stir in flour to form a paste. Add water and both types of sugar, bring to a boil. Once its boiling, reduce the temperature and let it simmer.

Place 1 of the crusts into your pie plate ** Brush the crust with beaten egg white (this keeps the crust from getting soggy)

Take your apples, and put them into a really big bowl. Pour about 1/2 to 3/4 of the syrupy mixture over the apples along with cinnamon, nutmeg all spice and cloves (you can use all, none or just some of those spices) and toss to coat. The best way to judge the amount of spice to add is through smell. When it smells like a yummy apple pie, you have added enough :) But, you can always taste too...

Fill the pie crust with apples, mounded slightly. Cover with a lattice, you know, the pretty criss cross crust thing. Take the remaining syrupy mixture, and gently pour it over the crust. Place the pie on something like aluminum foil or a thin baking sheet, because the liquid has a tendency to bubble up and over the sides of the dish, which causes a big mess in the oven.

Place on BOTTOM rack of oven and bake for 15 minutes. Reduce the temperature to 350 degrees and continue baking for 35 to 45 minutes. Apples will be soft when its cooked throughly.

For an added treat, about 10 minutes before the pie is done, brush the lattice work with milk, and then sprinkle with cinnamon and sugar.

Enjoy the lovely smell of warm apple pie in your house...its better then one of those Yankee Candles!

*For apple pie, people have varying opinions on which apples to use. Personally, I chose 3-4 different types of apples. I believe this is what makes my pie so good. It allows for more depth of flavor. For instance, I might use 3 granny smith, 2 macintosh, 2 cortland and 1 liberty. I mostly go with whatever I can find in the grocery store that day so its not an exact science, but you get the idea.

** An easy way to transfer your crust from where you rolled it out to the pie plate is this: When you are rolling the dough, do so between two sheets of wax paper. When you are done rolling, remove the top piece of paper. Fold the whole thing in half, creating a semi-circle. Peel the wax paper back so that the wax paper is flat, and only attached to half of the dough. Now fold the whole thing in half again, so now your dough is just a liitle wedge. Remove the paper entirely and place the wedge into the pie plate with the point in the center. Unfold and Viola! Fix any cracks by smooshing it back together with you finger. You can always use the trimmed edges for filling in thin spots too.

So, I hope that you enjoy my recipe. I swear, once you taste this pie, you will be hooked. Its the best pie ever!

Meme Me

2005-11-18T09:07:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Janet for this silly little diversion

5 Things

10 Years Ago - I had just learned that I would be moving to England for a few years...which turned out to be the rest of my high school career. What an experience. Maybe I'll tell you about it someday...

8 Years Ago - Junior year at boarding school near London. I was going through my hard core goth/punk stage. Having a blast being a rebel in a conservative school. What I wouldn't give to go back to those carefree days.

4-6 Years Ago - Cowardly dropping out of Tulane, moving back to Delaware, and landing a job that pays me too much to do too little.

2 Years Ago - Buying my first house (condo, shutup...I like to pretend) Falling deeper in love with the man of my dreams.

Now - approaching my 6 month wedding anniversary. It gonna to be really weird when I'm saying six years...I still can't believe I am married :)

Five Yummy Things

*1* Sushi. Janet, I am not trying to copy you, I swear, I eat sushi twice a week...remember when we used to "borrow" that one guy-that-shall-remain-unnamed-in-case-he-stumbles-across-this's credit card and order from that great place in NOLA, I mean, you used to only get the dumplings back then, but yummy!
*2* Creme Brulee
*3* Frozen grapes
*4* Sugar free Redbull
*5* Anything Colin cooks for me

Five Songs I know By Heart
Seriously? Only five?

*1* Someone like you-Van Morrison (our wedding song)
*2* Anything by Ani Difranco
*3* Everything by Keller Williams
*4* Scenes From An Italian Restaurant - Billy Joel
*5* I Like Big Butts - Sir Mix A Lot

I could go on for hours...

Five Things I Would Do With a Lot of Money

*1* Buy this house, that Colin and I have been swooning over for years, and now its on the market, but we don't have 700 thousand dollars. bah
*2* Travel the world.
*3* Open a restaurant
*4* Throw a huge party and invite all those people that I haven't seen in ages and everyone that I really didn't get to hang out with at the wedding, etc.
*5* Buy my dream car. A G-Wagon (except that I am technically Very against gas guzzling SUV's. But, I won't drive it often, I'll just sit in it in the driveway and drool. Or! Since I have lots of money, I'd make them build a biodiesel/electric hybrid type engine for me!)

Five Places I Would Escape To

*1* Australia
*2* One of those National Geographic Expeditions
*3* London
*4* Amsterdam
*5* Sweden

Five Things I Would Never Wear

*1* Uggs
*2* Fur
*3* Jeans with no back pockets
*4* Sweats in public
*5* Floral Print Tights, or whatever the trend right now is...HATE. IT!

Five Favorite TV Shows

*1* Scrubs
*2* OC
*3* Laguna Beach
*4* The Office
*5* The Daily Show

Five Things I Enjoy Doing

*1* Hanging out at home with the hubby
*2* Sleeping
*3* Baking
*4* Shopping
*5* Running

Five Favorite Toys

*1* My iPod Nano
*2* My XM Radio
*3* My DVR
*4* My running shoes
*5* My husband (ok, that was cheesy, sorry)

Five People I am Tagging To Fill This Out

*1* Nobody, cause I don't know anybody. So If you want to do it, leave me a comment, and I will add your name!

Tale of Two Kitties

2005-11-15T10:44:00.000-05:00

As promised, here is the story of my cats:

I met Colin during the summer of 2002. On the way home from a funeral I stopped in a crazy little bar/restaurant/hole in the wall to get a drink and a bite to eat. But mostly, a drink. Before I knew it, the owner had offered me a job as a bartender. I didn't need the job. In fact, I had a very good job, making more money then any 20-year-old-with-no-college-degree should be making. But, for reasons that I didn't fully understand yet, I decided, what the hell. The place was forty minutes from my house. They rarely had any customers. The tips were going to be terribly shitty. But, it seemed like a fun place to work, and besides, if I didn't like it, I could just quit.

One week later I showed up for my first shift. Nervous as all hell. I knew that it was just a rinky-dink place, but it had been awhile since I had bartended in England and I felt a little rusty. With my bartenders bible in hand, I walked into my new job.

My manager quickly showed me around, and took me to meet the rest of the staff. We walked into the kitchen and,

'Good God. I think that might be the most gorgeous man I have ever seen. Stay cool Jess. Stay cool.'

His name was Colin. A few awkward days later, he asked me out on a date. Well, sort of. Actually I believe what happened was that we were talking about restaurants in Philly and I told him that my favorite was The Continental. To which he replied,
"I bet I know a better restaurant"

So I took him up on that offer. *offer? what offer?*

After our amazing first date at The Striped Bass, we were inseparable.

Two months later, we moved into an apartment together. By then we had both quit working at the hole-in-the-wall. Life was good. We were living on the bottom floor of a twelve unit building. Nothing special, but the rent was cheap and it was in a good area. But, the neighbors. Oh, the neighbors.

There was crack-head Nick. He was actually a really nice guy, but he was a crack-head. We liked to refer to him as a 'functioning crack-head'. We would run into him at the grocery store and he would be stocking up on normal things like bread and milk, but man! he was tweakin'.

Then, there was the young Vietnamese girl that lived above us with her dad. At all hours of the night, she would sneak out of her apartment and climb down the wall right next to our bedroom window. One night she even had her boyfriend pull his F150 up to the building and shine his bright ass headlights right into our room just so she wouldn't have to climb down so far.

One neighbor, Hippie Tom, had a patio that was the first thing you came across when you walked up to the building. Tom was living in an alternate universe. He had no job. Something had happened to his brother a few years back and somehow Tom got a lot of money out of it. We never really asked for the full story, but his brother was killed somehow. So, all day long, Hippy Tom sat on his front patio, guitar on his lap, jamming out to the Grateful Dead and Widespread Panic. His FULL beard was always full of indistinguishable crumbs. Or maybe bugs, who knows. You could smell the beer on his breath the minute you got to the parking lot. Hippy Tom was a very friendly guy. Whenever he saw you he would offer you a chair and a beer. Or a joint. Anything to avoid life. He would do crack with Nick and then deny it, and then slander Nick for being a crack head. We quickly became "friends" with Hippy Tom. He had a very gorgeous cat named Peaches. She had just had a litter of 5 kittens. They were always outside with Tom and when I walked by they used to run over and pounce at my legs on hide under my long skirts. They? were utterly adorable.

One night I was sitting on the patio with Tom, reminiscing about the good old days when Jerry was still alive. I had one of the kittens on my lap. It was only about 6 weeks old. It was a little white ball of fur. All it wanted to do was sleep. I could have sat and pet this kitten forever. Tom had named it Baby because he was the babiest of the litter. Tom really had a way with words.

Sitting there waiting for Colin to come home from his new restaurant job, Hippy Tom asked me if I wanted to keep Baby. A cat? Well, yes I wanted him. But I had to see if Colin approved. Tom thought it would be a good idea, because that way he would still get to see Baby. He had become very attached to these kittens in the few weeks that they had been alive, and although he couldn't keep them, he didn't want them to go away.

Colin and I discussed it later that night and decided that, while getting a pet together was a big step, we had already skyrocketed through the first two months of our relationship, so why slow down now? We went back to tell Hippy Tom that we would adopt Baby. It didn't take long before he convinced us to take two. Colin was partial to a little blackish-brownish one with a orange dot on its forehead. They were like polar opposites of each other in terms of appearance, but the one thing they had in common was the orange. Baby looked like he used to be orange primer and when someone was putting the coat of white paint on they missed a few spots here and there. Monkey, the brownish one, had only a tiny little circle of orange on her forehead.

Well, I say 'her' now. At the time, we were convinced that Monkey was a boy and Baby was a girl. They seemed to have those mannerisms. Baby was the one that liked to be cuddled and Monkey was the 'snakes and snails and puppy dogs tails' one. It wasn't until our first vet appointment that we discovered otherwise.

Their names however, are the most appropriate names ever. We wouldn't have kept them if Hippy Tom hadn't asked us to repeatedly. I mean, Monkey? Baby? Not necessarily the most creative names on the planet. Baby is, well, a Baby. And, Monkey, is quite possibly the offspring of some rare from of mid-Atlantic tree monkey and Peaches.

We had one of those thermostats in the apartment that was a round dial. The ones from like, the 50's. On many occasions we would come home to a house that was 90 degrees, or 50 depending on which way she swung when she would jump up and latch her little paws around the dial. Oh yeah. The thing was like 4 feet up the wall. How she jumped up that high we will never know. Often times we would be sitting on the couch watching TV and the hallway light would go off. Then on. Then off again. Yup. It was just Monkey, jumping up and flicking the switch. The greatest Monkey moment ever though, involved the TV.

There used to be a commercial for Cingular wireless with a little Jack Russell terrier on a white background. There was a voiceover that was talking about Cingular's new 'rollover' plan, and everytime that the voice said 'rollover' the little doggie would bark a little and rollover. When Monkey heard the dog bark she would come running. No matter where she was in the house or what she was doing, when she heard that dog she was in front of that television like the dog was right there in our living room. With every roll of the dog, Monkeys little head would make a little circle. The more then dog rolled over, the closer he got to the edge of the screen, and eventually he rolled right out of view. Well, Monkey didn't like that. She would actually run behind the TV to look for the dog. And then run right back to the front when she heard him barking again. Oh, and, this wasn't a one time thing. It happened whenever the commercial came on. Maybe she's not the smartest cat in the world, but dammit she's entertaining! We wanted to videotape this comedy routine to send into Americas Funniest Home Videos, but by the time we borrowed a camcorder, the commercial was off the air. Dammit. We totally would've won $10,000.

It has been three years now. Colin and I are married. We've moved into a new house. (I say house, but I mean condo. I like to pretend) And our children? Still two of the most beautiful cats you have ever seen, although they are a little bit on the fat side. Through all of the accidents on the carpet, and tooth marks in Coach purses, I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Bitch-O-Rama

2005-11-14T08:19:00.000-05:00

I need to BITCH today.

My house is in such disarray I can't stand it anymore!

Do you see how bad that is?!?!

Those fuckers came and stole my laundry room over a month ago! Seriously, if I have to come home to that wall of boxes one more time, I think I will go ape shit.

I can't do my laundry. It has been 5. WEEKS. NO. LAUNDRY.

Luckily I have more underwear then anyone in their right mind should own, (I can't help it, I have a soft spot for Victoria's Secret.) BUT SERIOUSLY THIS IS GETTING OLD!

They told us that we could use our washer/dryer. So the night before we left for Florida Colin did a load of laundry. I, unfortunately, didn't have time. When we got back? there was a lock on the door and now we can't get in.

Fair enough, we had been asking for a lock due to the fact the anyone could have walked right into our house through the laundry room door. But, they put the lock on the outside door, which means that now we can't get into the room to do our laundry. They put the lock on the wrong damn door. We can't open the door from inside of our house because there is plastic on the other side.

But Jessica, it's just a little plastic. Why don't you just rip it down?

Yeah, well. Colin was practically ripping down the damn wall trying to push through the plastic. The must have used some sort of insane "the terrorists have biological weapons, buy plastic. and duct tape" type shit. There is no getting through it. Well, I suppose this way at least one doorway in our house is secure in case of biological attack.

Gahhh!!!

Plus, we are trying to get our place ready to sell. Do you have any idea how difficult that is when you can barely walk through the damn place? We did, however, get the bathroom sink put back together this weekend. It has only been what? a year since we tiled the floor in there and never put the sink back fully. Yeah, we're real good at this homeownership thing.

On a much happier note, Janet and Andrew got engaged this weekend! I am so happy for them. I swear, when I found out, it was like it was happening to me all over again. I had permagrin all day! They will have a very long and happy life together. And, maybe I'll get to help with wedding plans because? I am totally an expert now after spending 2 damn years planning every last minniscule detail for my own. Head on over to her journal and say congrats! And leave me some damn comments too. I am nice. You love me. You want to make me smile today because it was a shitty weekend. Oh, and kitties!

Here are my children in all their glory. Baby and Monkey. Don't make fun of their names, they are very fitting...stay tuned for tomorrows entry, "A Tale of Two Kitties"

Love Ya!!

Flights of Fancy

2005-11-09T07:50:00.000-05:00

Wee'rrrrrrrrreee Baaaaaccckk!

I bet you didn't even notice that we were gone did you?
Well, we were and it was fabulous!

About a month ago, my father-in-law Ingemar (great Swedish name) called and asked if we would like to come down to Florida for the weekend. Colins brother, sister-in-law, and niece were coming over from Sweden for 2 weeks, and he really wanted all of us to be able to spend some time together. Jacob (brother) Linda (brothers wife) and Jackie (beautiful 20 month old niece) weren't able to make it to our wedding, and I had still never met them. Also, Colin had never met Jackie. Ya know, being from Sweden and all, its not just a few hours drive. So hell yeah! We'll totally come to Florida! WooHoo!!

So, it was a huge surprise to everyone. The only people that knew were me, Colin and Ingemar. Everyone was so shocked to see us! I think Jacob nearly had a heart attack. Its weird, for how little they get to see or talk to each other, Colin and Jacob are very close. So anyway the weekend was full of BABIES!

My favorite subject at the moment is the babies. There seems to be a whole new baby boom going on. In Hollywood, on blogs, and in my (Colin's) family. Colin comes from a very large family. Well, he is an only child (with one half brother, and one step brother. Jacob is his half brother) But his mom is one of 5 kids, all of which have 2 or 3 kids, which are now at the age where babies are popping out everywhere. Haha get it? Popping out?! OK. Moving on. While in Florida, I had the pleasure of entertaining myself with; 1 20 month old baby girl, 1 9 month old baby boy, 1 2.5yr old girl, and 2 twin 5 week old baby girls. This is good and bad for the following reason: I want a baby! The twin girls were arguably the cutest of all the kids, but that is due only to the fact that they were premies and are just now the size of newborns, and therefore? so precious. I was too scared to hold either of them though. Something about them seemed so fragile, and I couldn't imagine breaking one of them, so instead I decided to just stare. Hopefully, when I have my own, I will get over my fear of broken babies.
Aeden, the nine month old boy, is model baby quality. He has got those huge baby eyes that are brilliant blue, and a six and a half tooth smile that could melt the coldest of hearts. And? hes only nine months and walking around like an old pro. The 2.5 yr old was definitely in the terrible twos stage, but nonetheless adorable. But the highlight of my weekend was definitely Jackie, my first and only niece.

*pictures have arrived*

She only speaks Swedish, and not very much of it. At first. it was a little weird, but then when I realized that I probably speak Swedish as well as she does, I was a little more comfortable. Oh yeah, I guess I learned a little Swedish over the weekend. Tack sa mycket. She was as perfect as I always imagined her to be. I tried to put her in my suitcase and sneak her back to Delaware, but her Mom caught me. Ooops.

All of this culminates with this single thought:

Colin was so in love with Jackie that I think he may be coming around on the baby issue. Yes, I know we have only been married for five months, and we need a bigger house, but, just go with me on this one, I think we could make it work. I thought long and hard about it on the never-ending plane rides home. We wouldn't really need to leave the condo until he/she is about a year old. That gives us at least 1.75 yrs to find a new house. And, that is only of I got pregnant today. We decided to quit smoking. For our new years resolutions. And, we are really going to do it. Cold turkey. Both of us want to. So, lets say January 2nd we get pregnant...thats plenty of time! Seriously, I think I'll start 'forgetting' to take my birth control soon...don't tell Colin! (That is just a joke. Please don't take me seriously, I would never make that huge of a life decision without my husband)

Oh yeah, other things happened in Florida besides babies. We also went out on the boat and went swimming and had a big lunch with all of Colin's aunts, uncles and cousins and we watched home videos from the 70's and 80's with little naked Colin running around and chewing on the microphone cord and whatnot. It was a beautiful weekend.

You guys, seriously, I want a baby!

Worth Every Penny

2005-11-01T06:50:00.000-05:00

This weekend was fabulous!
Mostly because it was all about me, so maybe it wasn't so fabulous for Colin, but meh....who cares! (haha just kidding sweetie!) Anyway, It was full of purchases that have turned out to be the most utterly magnificent buys every. Allow me to explain...

Saturday started out right with breakfast at Dennys, which I am pretty sure is impossible to top. MMmmmm....Dennys....

Then off to the mall for a little shopping. I had every intention of going to the mall and buying a new bra and new boots. They were the two specific items that I needed. Did I walk out with either one? Of course not. I did however buy this.

Without getting into to too much detail, I would like to tell you the glory that is this outfit thingy.
I suffer from low self esteem. I blame a past boyfriend who was verbally abusive. However, when I put this on, I was instantly strutting alongside Tyra and Giselle down the VS runway. Seriously. This thing hides a myriad of flaws and quite possibly is the sexiest thing any girl could possibly wear. Oh yeah, Colin agrees with me...its not all in my head. Plus, when I was at VS, I had to ask the lady where they were cause I saw it on a mannequin. She said she thought it was the last one, but that "I am pretty sure it's a small so that one will fit you if you want me to take it off for you" Nothing better then someone looking at you and guessing that you would wear a small. Way to make my day Victorias Secret Sales Lady!

Worth Every Penny.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about my hippy hair. I need to get it cut still. I know, I know. Whats the point of asking for advice if you're not going to use it? Well, I fully intend to, it just hasn't seemed to happen yet. So anyway, last week I ran out of shampoo and conditioner so I ran to Happy Harry's to pick some up. Yes, you are allowed to laugh at a drugstore named Happy Harry's. They also have a pretty funny slogan but I can't remember it at the moment, I know that it always makes me wonder why is Harry so happy? Anyway, I ended up picking up a brand that I had never tried before, Samy Shampoo and Conditioner. I can now recommend this product whole-heartedly. When I saw Janet on Sunday, she said your hair looks good, You got it cut? Nope, its just the new shampoo. I think this may be the miracle in a bottle that I have been looking for. We are talking super shiny, very light weight, and I am left with NO frizzies. None.

Worth Every Penny.

Which brings me to Sunday. There is nothing better then getting together with out of town friends to sit and be pampered. Janet and I met up on Sunday to get manicures and pedicures. It is so lovely to relax and chat girly talk. Although, I did end up bringing up football which. Bah. I have officially lived with Colin for too long now. But nonetheless.

Worth Every Penny

Last but not least, my birthday present from Colin. My beautiful black iPod Nano. I am now the coolest person I know. I have joined the ranks of the pop culture elite. This device amazes me, I am in awe of its glorious miniature-ness. Mind you, I had to ask other people how to actually make the damn thing work, but last night? On my run? Heavenly.

Worth. Every. Penny.

Especially since I didn't pay for it.

Birthday Lunch

2005-10-28T17:00:00.000-05:00

Because tomorrow is my birthday, my 'work husband' (Mike) took me out to lunch today. He took me to a very nice place on the Wilmington Riverfront called Harrys Seafood Grill. You wanna know what I had? (I know you do)
We started off with a crab and artichoke dip that was a little too creamy, but overall quite good. For my entree I had the pan seared diver sea scallops. The scallops were nice and big and not overly seasoned, served with soba noodles in an exotic sauce. Very good.

Oh right, the story.

So, we had just finished our appetizer when the hostess came to a nearby table to seat a woman. Since I like to listen in on other peoples conversations, this is what I overheard: "Could you please seat us in that booth, I am dining with a celebrity." This peaked my interest. She was then sat in the corner booth directly behind me. A few minutes went by and her party still had not joined her. I sat anxiously awaiting the big surprise. Maybe it would be Matthew McConaughey or Sarah Jessica Parker. They were recently sighted down at the Delaware beaches filming a new movie.

A man walked in. He was short and kind of frumpy looking. He sat down with the women behind me. Well, I guess I just don't know who he is, I guess I'll forget about it and start paying attention to my own conversation. A couple seconds later, a light skinned black woman (african american? I don't know, what is the pc term these days?) walked past the table. I recognized her! It was none other then...

Are you ready for it?

Jasmine Guy.

You have no idea who that is do you?

Here is a clue...she played a rich snotty bitch whose boyfriend (on the show) was Dwayne Wayne.

Still don't know?

She was Whitley on A Different World

Ok Ok. I know that you still probably don't know who she is, but for little ole Wilmington, Delaware thats a pretty big star. I was pretty stoked. I mean, what better surprise could I get on a work day at lunchtime?

In case you're wondering. She had the mussels. When she saw them on the menu she said, "Mmmm. Mussels."

Apparently she is in town to give some sort of talk about AIDS at one of the art galleries in town. How do I know that? Simply because I hung on every word that I could possible hear over the back of the booth.

Alright, thats my story. You can stop thinking I am a loser for getting excited about some b-rate...ok fine, c-rate celebrity now. I live a very small existence, but I still think I'm cool.

Jessica's All Important Love/Hate List

2005-10-25T09:02:00.000-05:00

So, since I have nothing to write about today, I have decided that you NEED to read Jessica's all important Love/Hate list. These are just a few of the things that are either pissing me off, or filling my days with joy

HATE: Bruce Springsteen-Makes me want to rip off my ears a la Van Gogh. He is very difficult to escape up here in Bruce Country (especially since I listen to a classic rock radio station)
LOVE: Laguna Beach (the show, not the town. well, probably the town too, but I have never been there so I wouldn't know) Yes, this is terribly embarrassing. But, this is the one and only reality show that I watch so that helps bring my cool factor up a little right?
HATE: Cleaning my house- The dishes in my kitchen sink are piled so high that it is like playing Jenga to move one.
LOVE: My Dyson- Yes, I hate to clean, but suddenly vacuuming is so much more fun!
HATE: UGGS- I am sorry to anyone reading this that owns Uggs. I am quite sure they are the most comfortable things in the world, but eww! And please, If you must wear them, don't pull the 'Its is 20 degrees out so I must keep my feet and ankles warm with my sheep herder boots, but I must still wear my ultra-mini skirt (with no pantyhose, thus defeating the point of wearing warm shoes) to look cute!'
LOVE: My new Dooney and Bourke purse. OK, so its not totally new, I bought it at a consignment shop, but it is new to me so that totally counts! (I'll post a pic soon)
HATE: Dreary days- Impending winter...otherwise know as fall. It makes me want to curl up on my couch all the time and read a good book, while this is fine for catching up on my reading, it horribly distorts my running regimen.
LOVE: Fall clothes- I hate fall, but I love it's fashion! I am such a scarf and sweater person. I believe that I have what some might consider a coat fetish. Colin has gotten to the point where he will not let me buy any more coats, even if I were to threaten hypothermia for lack of the perfect jacket to match every outfit.
HATE: Rap- I am SO over rap. I used to like it, and I still listen to some of the oldies but goodies on my mp3 player while I run, but I have no use for it beyond that. Every song these days is so degrading toward women, that I wonder what type of horrible society we will live in by the time this 'rap' generation grows up. Aren't we moving backwards?
LOVE: Weekend trips- We are going to Florida (which just got wrecked by Wilma) in two weeks to see FIL. I will also be meeting Colin's brother, sister-in-law and niece from Sweden for the first time. Couldn't be more excited! I get to buy baby clothes (shes 18 months)
HATE: Having no baby myself. I will be the first to admit that I am not ready for the magical world of parenting yet, but god dammit I want one! Wah!
LOVE: Tea- Nothing special. Just Lipton. Perfect on cold mornings, and afternoons, and evenings...
HATE: That Nextel merged with Sprint- I had Sprint when I first got a cellphone. I found it to be a bit of a stigmata. Sprint was kind of the company for derelicts. So I switched to Nextel, which has a much better repore. Now, I am back to being a 'Sprint' customer? What the fuck?!
LOVE: Target- I recently re-discovered the fabulousness that is Che Target. I have never been one to buy my clothes at K-Mart or similar, but Target makes me feel like I have been shopping at my local super center with their wonderful prices, but makes me feel like I just stepped out of Banana Republic with their adorable, quality clothing!
HATE: Cowboy Boots- I am all about real cowboys and girls wearing them, I am just not so sure that they should be brought into mainstream fashion. I don't think that this is a look that normal women can pull off without ending up looking like they are dressed up for Halloween.
LOVE: That you have actually read this whole list. :)

Warning: Offensive Content

2005-10-21T14:42:00.000-05:00

Colin bought me XM radio for Christmas last year.
It was the number one most wanted thing on my list. I couldn't be happier! Fast forward to this past weekend....
I finally installed XM in the car. OK, its been nearly a god damned year people! This is unacceptable and I should have the damn thing taken away from me due to my irresponsibility with such an amazing service. But nonetheless, I am so excited! The main reason that I wanted XM is to be able to listen to Opie and Anthony.

*background info*
O & A used to be on the radio as an afternoon talkshow. They are absolutely crude, disgusting and utterly hysterical! They are the inventors of such wonderful concepts as 'Whipem Out Wednesdays (WOW)' and 'Sex for Sam'. You have undoubtedly seen their WOW stickers on the bumpers of countless work trucks and Econoline vans throughout your area. The men driving these vehicles will generally be fat and balding middle-aged types. WOW is the pratice where women flash their breasts to cars bearing these stickers...but only on Wednesdays. Sex for Sam was a contest they had a few years ago. Pairs of listeners were to go to various locals throughout NYC and have public sex. This was the reason for their demise. They were promptly kicked off the air after two of the contestants got caught having sex inside of St. Patricks Cathedral during mass. Thus, the switch to XM.

The Scene: 1998 Audi A4. Driving north on Rt. I-95 towards MIL's house.

We finally find the channel that broadcasts O&A. It is the weekend, therefore they are playing the 'Best Of the Week', clips from various shows that happened in the past week (hopefully that is self explanitory, but you never know!). Within the first minute of listening to the program we hear...

"Sometimes she just needs a big fucking cock in her ass"

Wow.

I forgot this is uncensored.

But ha!ha!

You should have seen the look of shock on our faces!! So, its really hard to adjust to hearing these types of statements come out of the radio. But I FUCKING love it!!!

Anyway...they have this program going on where anytime you can possibly get on TV you should try and mention O&A and how great they are. They tell stories of listeners interupting live news broadcasts by jumping up and down in the background screaming "O&A on XM channel 202!!" and whatnot.

Last night I turn on FOX (belch!) to watch the Simpsons. Instead however, I am confronted with live video of a Philadelphia congressman about to kill himself by jumping off of city hall. Heres the story. It was a very tense moment. The mayor came in to try and help talk him down, they sent in the swat team. I mean, the guy is in phsyciatric care now. The whole time, I am wondering...

How long would it take me to get to city hall so that I can yell and scream about Opie and Anthony.

Yup. I am going to hell.

Deep Dark Abyss

2005-10-18T08:41:00.000-05:00

What did I do before computers? This glorious technology has sucked me in and I have fallen into its deep dark abyss. Case in point: This morning I arrive at work and sit down in my 21st century prison, otherwise known as a cubicle.

me:ctrl+alt+del

computer: Please sign in using your password

me: *****

computer: password invalid. remember passwords are case sensitive.

please log in using your password.

me: *****?

computer: password invalid. remember passwords are case sensitive.

please log in using your password.

me: **?***?!**

computer: login denied. someone has tried to guess password values.

the system is now locked. please contact your system administrator.

me: fuck! its only 6:30am. there will not be any IT people until at least 8:00am.

what to do?!?!

....

me: lazy IT people should wake up earlier.

....

me: Oh, I'll go get morning tea and bagel! wait? do I hear an IT person? woohoo!

IT chick: I can't help you. am just a temp.

me: frick!

*goes, gets bagel and tea, smokes cigarette, reads bit of newspaper,

returns to desk.

me: maybe just one more try *****

computer: you are a stupid asshole! the caps lock has been on the entire time!

haven't you noticed me saying PASSWORDS ARE CASE

SENSITIVE! moron!

me: wow. really am a dumbass.

So, I lost about an hour or so of work this morning bacause I am blonde (no offence to any other blondes out there). But ha! like I do any work in the first place. Who am I trying to kid? lost an hour of work my ass. I had an excuse *albeit not a very good one* to not work.

It was horrible though. I felt like my world had collapsed around me. Normally while not working I play on the internet. I teach myself new countries, and learn about how to run better, and plan this weeks dining adventures. But not this morning, no. It was all prehistoric like.

I mean reading a newspaper?! Don't people know that you can do that online? And seriously, its alot easier. What with the, not having to hold the ridiculously long sheets of dirty inky paper in front of your face until your arms get tired, at which point you have only made it through one paragraph because the font is so small and your arms have started to shake so violently that your eyes start darting all over the page trying to keep up with the speed of your arms, only to find that now youre reading about some kid that got an award for having the best plant specimen instead of the article you were trying to read about george damn bush being a dumbass again so you have to keep rereading the same line one thousand times before you actually have any idea what you just read. You know what Im talking about.

you gotta love the internet.

Hippy Hair

2005-10-13T17:28:00.000-05:00

I have a never ending list of things to do. I swear, everyday, nothing gets crossed off and twenty thousandy more things get added. It is insane really. I mean, I have a pretty boring life. And its not like I have kids or aged parents to take care of. And it is all stupid shit too. Like get my haircut.

It has been since May people. MAY! Like, before I got married!

I was sitting at my horribly boring job the other day picking at my split ends. This is not good. How hard is it even? I get to sit back and relax while someone plays with my hair (which by the way is like my ultimate simulation thing ever! and also? something Colin never does. So baby, if you read this, play with my hair!!) I think what is holding me up is my lack of hair style. I currently have nothing going on. We are talking 70's hippy hair. Not that I have a problem with hippy hair, but a style would make me much more excited about my hair's self worth. Oh, and I live in Delaware. We have maybe one salon that I would even trust to give me a "style". And I? Cannot afford such lavish beauty treatment.

Once upon a time, when I actually had time to do things that normal women would never dream of skipping, I went to random salon #452. When the chicky was finished my cut, she asked if I wanted my hair dried straight or curly. You see, my hair is oddly wavy. Not like the covetable wave of Jennifer Aniston's hair. More like 'No. I will not have waves all over. Just underneath and a couple of insane curls right near the face. But those pieces in front?? Yeah, I am gonna leave them stick strait. Not even a curling iron will work on me there. Nope.' (That was my hair talking) So anyway. I tell the lady to go for the curly thing, which I can slightly achieve on my own with a little moose and massive scrunching until my hands are about to fall off. But I figure, shes a professional. Surely she knows what shes doing.

HA!

I left the 'salon', if you can even call it that, looking like the offsring of Shaft and a poodle on crack.

(get a good mental picture of that one real quick....)

And, moving on.

I literally RAN to my car with my shirt pulled over my head in fear of actually being seen by anyone.

And this? is typical for me. I don't know that I have ever actually gotten a decent haircut. But alas, it currently is on my list of things to do, even though I already know how it will turn out. So, my question to you is this:

any ideas on a 'style' for Jessica?

By the way. I am pretty sure that is the WORST picture to have ever been taken of me. Let alone posted for all the internet to see should they choose to stumble upon my journal.

(Janet, I guess I am talking to you since your the only one who reads this...sad sad little girl I am.)

Superb.

Much love, and all that.

2005-10-07T15:12:00.000-05:00

Its Friday. Work is done for the week. I am sitting on my couch (rather, I was sitting on my couch until I came to write this entry. I really need a laptop) watching "Whose Wedding Is It Anyway", which I watched insecantly before my own wedding, when I started thinking. Why did I stress out so bad over the wedding? I mean seriously. It's one day. Nothing has changed since our wedding day other then the fact that we now have a marriage liscence. It is hung on our fridge by a magnet that says "Pike Creek Animal Hospital" which is the cats vet. But thats it. Don;t get me wrong, everything is absolutely wonderful in my land of wedded bliss. But of real, why do brides stress so bad? Are we just trying to impress our friends, and all those people that we are told that we are related to whom have have never actually met until that day? My wedding had about two thousand different things go wrong. But no one was any the wiser. And isn't it really about the union between the bride and the groom anyway?
Sorry, I have had a glass of wine. A 1993 Yellow Tail Chardonney Reserve to be exact. A bottle that we got as a wedding gift. But, Colin doesn't drink so lucky me! For some reason when I was driving home from work my left hand started tingling. Well, anyone who has ever met me knows that I immediatly jumped to the conclusion that I was having a heart attack. So how do I solve it? I drink. Alcohol thins your blood right? So I figure that p[;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;A

Wow. Sorry Monkey took over the keyboard for a minute. She may do it again. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Monkey is our cat/daughter by the way.

OK. so the tingling hasn't exactly gone away. But I feel much better. If anyone out there in Internet land thinks I should call 911 Please, let me know. Thank you.

That is all.

Goodnight

But Jess, It's only 4:30?!

Train of Thought

2005-10-04T09:29:00.000-05:00

I want to go shopping. No. I NEED to go shopping.

I was going throught my closet over the weekend when I discovered this. If you ask my husband, he will vehemently disagree. It all started when we had to empty out our laundry/storage/utility room because our condo building is falling apart. They discovered a huge crack in the foundation of our building. Big enough to put my arm into. Not that I would...Because of lovely said hole, water has been seeping into the foundation. (REMINDER: I live on the bottom floor. Our building is built into a hill. ALL water from 50 miles around runs right into the back of our unit.) For the past two years I have smelled like the enticing aroma of mildew, cigerettes, and cat. I think I will market my new fragrence under the name Eeewwww. So finally. The foundation is better and now they get to come in and take care of all the nasty mold that I have apparently been living with. No wonder I am always sick. It couldn't possibly be because of the mold. "No, Maam. The mold is non-toxic. It presents no danger to you and your family." Bullshit. You try living with mold and then tell me its fine. But whatever. So our laundry room shares a wall with my neighbors storage room. This wall has been eaten alive by the mold monster. Apparently underneath of the hideous linoleum (think 1970's brown gold and orange stained glass. Mmm) there is also a colony of mold slowly devouring our unit as well. This weekend, me and Colin emptied out the storage room. "But Jessica?" you ask. "Where in the world did you put all of the stuff that you were storing in the room?" Well I'll tell you. The kitchen. The dining room. The hallway. Our bedroom closet. When one enters our home, they are immediately greeted by boxes stacked on boxes on top of boxes. It is really quite an unusual decorating scheme. But hey, our living room colors are brown and orange, so 'cardboard' matches quite nicely.

Lovely tanget...back to original story. In cleaning out the laundry/storage/utility room, I came across many pairs of old shoes. I thought to myself, "Self, what the hell were you thinking wearing these hideous shoes out in public? Sure you were a teenager, but that is no excuse!" My parents church is having a shoe drive for the victims of hurricane Katrina. A noble cause. And, perfect timing. Bye-bye old shoes. Fare thee well. I wish you a long and happy life on someone elses feet. Now, I have lots of room for new shoes. Pretty shoes. Kitten heels and winter boots.

This whole tirade of empting laundry rooms got me on a cleaning kick. And also, apparently, a generous kick. I went through my closet later that weekend and realized, I have an insane amount of clothes that I no longer wear. Some, I have had since high school. Ohters are from my fat period last year and no longer fit. Still others are from my earlier skinny years. All of my efforts to get back into them have seemed to come to a screeching halt. I am seemingly destined to a life of being a size 6/8. Fine. I don't need to be a 4. No need to look anorexic. But I had some really cute pants back then! Better to just give them to goodwill and surrender to the new size. I think I emptied about half of my wardrobe. Colin, its time for a shopping spree! Really though, I do need new pants. And maybe a cute velvet blazer for the fall. And a knee length suede skirt. Oh, and some cute fitted button downs like the ones from Banana Republic. And a nice cashmere turlteneck, and...

The Problem With Running

2005-09-29T09:26:00.000-05:00

So, a couple of months ago, I started to run. For fun. Like, run. Around a park. I smoke a pack a day. Does this sound like fun?...At first? HO. LY. HELL. But now, the more I run, the more I love it. I recently bought some new "go-fasters", all the cute little running shorts I could find, and an enormous assortment of sports bras. I? am all set. Trouble is, my legs are still getting used to the whole idea of running. The new shoes didn't seem to help the situation any either. My knees are starting to get all achy and I feel like I'm ninety years old. I have figured out how to run through the pain, so that is not really the issue. My problem is that I can no longer stand to wear my 3" stillettos to work. It makes my knees hurty. So now? I am offically 5'-6". Gone are the days of my lofting around at a supermodels height. I have been brutally thrust back into reality. The world looks different from down here. I have to raise my arm a little more to reach door handles. I can no longer see over the cubicle/prison walls without resorting to my tip-toes. I am now a tiny little dwarf living amongst giants. Not to mention that flats? not as sexy. Not that I have anyone to be sexy for besides my Colin. But hello? Tall looks so much better on me.

So, the other day I went to Marshalls. Home of the worlds greatest shopping one day, and home to shopping that I wouldn't send my worst enemy to the next day. This, happened to be a good trip. I actually found a pair of flats that I like! They are really similar to these. But mine? are better. Thats right. Mine are better because they are actually from, like, India. So, yeah. Take that big manufacturing companies. I went straight to the source. Kinda. So, I guess I am lucky that there are actually some cute flats out there right now. Maybe I am joining a trend without trying to? I am still pissed that I can longer sport my Via Spiga Pumps anymore, but at least for now,

I will be known as the girl who rocks flats.

The Start of Many Wonderful Things to Come

2005-09-28T08:59:00.000-05:00

One lazy afternoon, a lonely young girl sat at her living room window, staring out with longing in her eyes. Across the way was the neighborhood park. The typical stuff. Some swings, the horrible metal slide the burned like a son-of-a-bitch on a hot summer day, the bizarre indian teepee that the older kids used as a urinal. The little girl wanted more then anything to go outside and romp around in the park, but with no friends around the prospect seemed just as boring as staring out from her window. The house caddy corner to hers was for sale. There was a family that was looking it over at the moment. Suddenly the little girl noticed someone walking down to the park. Another little girl!! Joyously she ran to her parents. "I'm going to play in the park!" she screamed. Barrelling out the front down she ran through her lawn, past the curb, onto the street without checking for cars (she was always a bit of a rebel), and into the great freedom that was the park. A bit slower now, a little timid, she made her way towards the swing set. The other young girl was sitting on one of the swings, barely moving, kicking up the dirt underneath her and twisting the rusty chains that were holding her up. She was dressed in a girl scouts uniform and she had quite a distraught look on her face. It appeared that she had no desire to move into the house next to the park. She stopped swinging and looked up at the other little girl. At this moment, I met my best friend, Sarah.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BESTEST FRIEND EVER!

I love you with all of my heart Sarah!!

Colin the Great

2005-09-21T10:08:00.000-05:00

So, I just want to say that I have the worlds greatest husband. Not only did he come and join me for lunch yesterday, but after he left to go home, he called me and said, "why dont we go shopping tonight. We can get you a new outfit for thursday." (thursday being our big trip to NYC for a taping of the daily show!!) Seriously, I think that he might just be the greatest thing since sliced bread. I LOVE MY HUSBAND!

Speaking of which, have you seen those bumper stickers yet? the "I Love My Wife" ones? You know, I really hope that Colin is all about telling everyone that he meets (especially pretty girls) that he loves his wife. I hope that the first words out of his mouth are something along the lines of "Hi. My name is Colin. I am married to the most beautiful, sexy, caring, intelligent, wonderful women in the world and I love her" But really, a bumper sticker? I don't think that it is sweet at all. In fact everytime I see one, I see this little vignette play in my head that involves a very evil wife clenching a meat clever above her husbands head, screaming about how the sticker must be slapped all over said husbands car lest wife will surely make husbands life more of a living hell then it already is. Maybe thats just me...

2005-09-20T15:55:00.000-05:00

WooHoo!! Green

i am such a dork.

Hello Internet!! i have the worlds most boring job, so i decided to start a blog. it's all amalah's fault.

I have been reading her archives for the past week or so (its like crack, people) and shes so funny and witty that i thought to myself, well i must be as cool as her.

yeah... turns out i am only slightly cooler then this guy .

the truth is...i don't even think that i have anything to write about. but i will continue to ramble on until i get fired from my job. unless i have my very own cathartic moment. in which case i will become brilliant blogger type and all major publishers will have to vie for my attention. large book deals will ensue and i will be the next steven king...only not a guy. and no to the whole horror thing. i also do not live in maine. ok, so maybe a little more like...
hhhmmm.
its really sad that i can not think of any female authors that i look up to.
will definitly look into that.

so, i guess this is my first official post...tada!!

look out internet...you have no idea what just hit you

The shot heard round the world

2005-09-20T12:40:00.000-05:00

testing...
echo echo echo